Breathing In and Breathing Out {day 2}

A perspective from a year ago in October (2012) : 
Breathing in & breathing out
Something I have often taken for granted.
Actually most every single breath of my life, I have taken for granted.
I have always assumed the next one would be there.

My father-in-law has been struggling for breath for over 6 weeks now. On & off the ventilator 5 times. As I run,  I am so thankful for my knees to be working again. In January there were days that I worried if I would walk without pain again. I worried that I may never able to run again. Now as I run again, my lungs struggle to keep up. I breathe deep. I ask God to help my father-in-law to breathe.

Clip-clop
Thud-hop
I run along.
Hope & pray
Three minute run.
One minute walk.
I am so glad to be walking & running & bending my knee.

Now I'm hoping he will learn to breathe on his own again
 I pray. I hope.
With each of my own breaths
I struggle, I breathe
May my father-in-law also breathe

Stepping
Hopping
Hoping
Running
Praying

Breathing in & breathing out on my run
Deep breaths that my father-in-law is struggling to take on his own
For more than 6 weeks now
He has struggled to breathe in various degrees

So many things I have taken for granted.
So many.
Too many.
As I run on rehabed legs, as I breathe deep into my lungs
Lord, please help Clarence breathe. Amen.

Six weeks and counting....
Breathing In & Breathing Out

"...He Himself gives everyone life and breath..." Acts 17:25

Click here to read {Day 3: Anointing Oil}

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This is part of the 31 Day series: 
The Clarence Chronicles: Lessons of Faith from the ICU

Click HERE to read Day 1, which links to all the posts in this series.

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Click HERE to read other 31 Dayers who are also taking the 31 Day challenge.
Click HERE to read Imperfect Prose with Emily.

What we've been up to this weekend

The kids and I made a welcome banner when we heard Papa might be coming home. I did the lettering. The four kids painted the banner.  It sure was touch-n-go even on that day. At least three, if not more, times we heard that he's not coming home. He arrived around 9 o'clock on Friday night. We have all learned a lot about hospitals, doctors, nurses, and medical procedures these past four months. We are still learning. Now, it is about home health care and how to nurse our loved one back to full health. We are so thankful that he's alive and now even closer to us.

Meagan waits with Grandma after a stressful day of waiting. Transitions and beginnings are so hard. We were glad that he was coming home but there was a lot to coordinate to get him here, which mostly other people do. We had to wait and wait. And sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

T

In his bed, Grandpa made it! After four long months in the hospital, he finally made it home. One third of a year he has spent away from home, including three hospitals and a nursing facility. As Sophie said, "The last time I roller-bladed at his house, I was in shorts. Now it's chilly. It made me realize how long he has been in the hospital." It has been so nice to have him around this weekend as we learn how to do tube feedings, nebulizer treatments, and help him walk and other various duties. We can let him nap while we play a game or do a craft. He is always around us when he is awake. So nice for him and for us.

I love this shot of Papa being wheeled into the house. You can see his name blurred in the background. He has an amazing amount of determination and courage. I have learned a lot by watching him these past four months. I have learned about living a life of no debts, especially relationally. He has lived a life of integrity, a life of faith. He has walked the path of submission. One cannot always see the most valuable things easily.

In the middle of the weekend, Grandma taught the grandkids how to make Kringla, one of my very favorite desserts that she makes. They are baking as I type. Yum. Yum. They will soon be gone.

The kids have made Kringla, duct tape wallets, played lots of games with Aunt Kay, and rollerbladed. This is much nicer than hanging out in hospital waiting rooms for them. I imagine we'll be having more school days over here in the future to provide support for Grandma as she nurses Grandpa back to health.

Some napping has also been in order this weekend. Kip grabs a bit of shut-eye on the front porch in the amazingly nice weather. We have all had a lot of information to absorb about when and how to administer medicine and coordinate supplies coming to the house. Much to learn. Much to do. Plus, Kip has been night duty, sleeping near Grandpa.

A beautiful weekend. So thankful for so many things, especially loving family that supports one another. Linking with the Company Coffee girls. Join us for a chat if you like.

Engaged: In the Middle of the House

Engaged is my word for 2013. I haven't done the One Word theme before. Prior to this year, I haven't been able to come up with One Word to focus upon but now every time I see a One Word blog post I think, "Engaged, that's my word for the year."

Engaged with These Faces in 2013

No matter the challenges that  2013 brings, I want to be intentionally Engaged with my children and my husband. I don't want them to only get the left-overs. I want them to get my Firsts. My intentions. My best.

They have not gotten the lion's share of me in 2012. Some of that is okay. Some of that is the circumstances that we were called to as a family: foster care and then Papa Care when he went into the hospital. But some of it wasn't okay.

For when I found myself with a breather or with down-time, I was off by myself with the door closed to my bedroom or staring at a computer screen. I didn't want one more person demanding something from me or asking me to give something. But when I go off by myself  in this house full of children, I have chosen not to build into the most precious of relationships: my children and my husband. When I give to them, I do not lose, I gain.

I only have four and a half years before the oldest graduates from high-school and the two girls are right behind him. Soon it will be a whirl-wind of activity as we send them off to their own lives and to make their own way in this world. In the meantime, I don't want to lose any opportunities to play a card game, to listen to a story, to give a hug, or to simply just be near them.

They are here. I want to be Engaged with my children and my husband, enjoying them no matter what. Engaged in the middle of the house. I tend towards my bedroom or my computer area when I have down-time. This year, I want to be known for being in the middle of the house. At the dining room table playing a game. In the big easy chair reading a book. In the kitchen cooking for them. I want to be where the life-blood of our family is, where I can be easily Engaged by my loved ones.

I know that I will not regret an ounce of time or energy given to these ones that I love the most. I don't want to miss any  moments with them. I want to be Engaged with them right here in the middle of our house.

With love,

Kathleen

See how they grow? Thought you might enjoy pictures of the kids in the same spot over several years.

In Christmas 2012: ages 7, 11, 13, &14

In May of 2010: ages 4, 8, 10 & 11

 

In July of 2011: ages 5, 9, 11, & 12

 

An overflowing life

Isn't it funny how saying...wow look at all that I am blogging now...can just shut the blog posts from coming?!? Or could it be...that since I last posted, I have driven to and from

5 choir concerts

and 1 piano recital

1 choir rehersal

2 piano lessons

2 birthday parties

attended an Adoption Party

driven to AWANA

taught Worldview, Pre-Alegebra, Fractions, Not Equal & Equal, phonics, spelling

read aloud King Arthur and

work with the kids on how-to-play Chess unit study

been to visit my father-in-law in the hospital several times

written caring Bridge updates, called the hospital, 

had my contacts checked

had friends over for lunch

exchanged children for sleep-overs

had a 13 year-old's birthday party where my nails got done in a painting contest 

(and we had girls sleep-over, while the boys slept somewhere else)

and worked feverishly to finish my first digital on-line scrapbook, which I did 

& I ordered it to use my first-everGroupon

but it wasn't the project that I've been working, working, working on: which is 

2012: the year of Nutzo on Steroids in a photo album

only 969 photos on 78 digital pages that I am trying to condense into something affordable

i've also been directing each Sunday an Advent celebration for our small church

with the children in grades 2-9

that's all that I have been doing

instead of blogging 

or Christmas shopping 

What kind of craziness has come your way this December? 

may God's grace cover all

--Kathleen

Choosing light and airy

Celebrating 7 years of Jack.

All four of them enjoying Jack's new gifts.

As of late, it has been fairly deep here at Kath Ink. I would like to publish something light and airy but....sigh... I do not feel very light & airy. After more than 8 weeks of my father-in-law in the hospital, and then this past week a dear friends' newborn landed in  NICU, I guess it can be expected that my thoughts have been on the melancholy side.

Thank you for the comments and prayers for my father-in-law. He is improving and has moved to rehab but there is still a long journey home.



But, today, I choose to look at the neat events that have also been strewn along the path these past eight weeks or so.  The easiest way to do that is through a few pictures. Enjoy.

Visiting Papa on Halloween night, all of us could visit!

A first choir concert.

FMF: On voice

My youngest using his voice.

 On voice.
My daughter sings with a lovely voice with the Nashville Children's Choir. My father-in-law has lost his voice due to a tracheostomy. And as a wanna-be-author, I am trying to find my voice. Speaking up for those who do not have a voice.Singing with a lovely voice. Learning to communicate without a voice.

Our voice speaks. Our voice needs to be heard. We want to be heard. We want to communicate. We want to interact. Some voices are high. Some are low. Sometimes we can hear the voices but we do not understand what is being said.

Voices. Unique. A way to give thought. A way to interact. Voicing our opinions. Voice: it is important.

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Whew! I haven't participated in Five Minute Friday in awhile. (Click HERE if you are interested in participating or reading other entries.) This was a hard go. But I am going to play along and hit publish after five minutes of writing with no editing. Publishing as is! Yikes!  Obviously, I need to keep practicing this exercise of writing for five minutes on a topic.

Happy Friday friends. What would you like to voice today?
--Kathleen

Here and There *

*This post has been edited to add a few photos and captions.

Three weeks it has been since I blogged. I have not abandoned nor forsaken the blog. In my three week blogging absence, we have been living life. I will highlight a few of our adventures.

We picked five gallons of strawberries. They were the best tasting strawberries I have ever eaten in my life. We ate a lot of fresh strawberries. I have some puree in the freezer to make into homemade strawberry jelly, hopefully soon.

Our feasting table

We had a Greek feast to celebrate the end of our school year. We hosted some Olympics: we ran around the house 10 times, did the long jump, threw a discus (a frisbee) and a javelin (a Nerf sword), raced chariots (bikes) and thumb wrestled. The oldest prepared the games for the night. The girls prepped the table and helped get dinner on the table. The youngest helped mama secure the goods for the feast at the store. And hubby made leaf wreaths for each of us that we put on our heads after completing the Olympics.

On feast nights, dinner always follows Ken Wojack's** First Rule of Cooking: Make 'Em Wait (because everything tastes better when you're hungry.) We enjoyed tasting Greek feta cheese that was actually from Greece. I was surprised how much all the kids loved it. We also had kalamata olives (which none of the children liked), pita bread, hummus, cucumbers, rotisserie chicken, and baklava. We had each child stand up as we praised what they did this year. I imagined having certificates to give them but instead we simply verbally praised them. The five year old seemed to glow especially bright as he stood up. He is so excited to be in Kindergarten next fall and especially Sparks in AWANA.

"Yes! School is out!"

Though we had the end of the year banquet, we are still 'finishing' school this week. We are logging some math hours and putting the finishing touches on our human body unit, history notebook, field trip notebook, and assembling books they wrote and illustrated this year.

I have started leading a women's Bible study on Colossians with my Teacher's Lounge (TL for short) friends. This is the third time that I have essentially have written the Bible study (two for this group and one time for another group). Love, love, love this writing and leading of Bible studies. Two of some of my top favorite things in life: leading Bible studies and being with these homeschooling friends woven together by God. Though I have many friends that homeschool and many dear friends in life, I am thankful for nearby friends that homeschool, that pursue the Lord, and laugh a lot, too.

I spent one day scrapbooking and completed 11 pages. Sweet number three is now 9 months old in her baby scrapbook (and only 9 years old in life!) Feels good to have made some progress. When I actually return to scrapbooking, it is so good for my soul to reflect on all the good in my life. My hand-written journal processes life. It includes good things, too, but, there is something about seeing photos of laughing children, of me holding my babies, of the older three with huge smiles and all crammed onto hubby's lap that seeps deep into my soul causing it to resonate with gratefulness. I need to put scrapbooking back into my regular routine somehow!

We re-started the garden. Thanks to my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we can actually see green peppers, beans, and flowers where vegetables will be.

We've been hiking and made friends with Flit, the Butterfly. We went to a Memorial Day service. We made fleischkeuckle and visited with a brother-in-law and sister-in-law that were in-town. We've been to a $1 summer movie. And we've been staying home! It seems I could have had more time to blog lately with a freer schedule but I've been decompressing from our usual fast-paced spring that included the adjustment of two new jobs --one for hubby and one for me. (Mine was part-time and is done for the summer. Thankfully hubby's is on-going!). Also, we're still transitioning from the spring school schedule to the summer schedule which hasn't really seemed to settle in, yet. Before we know it, it will be time to start up school again.

So here's to hanging onto these fleeting moments of life while I can. Hope everyone has a joyful day.
Joyfully,
--Kathleen

Joining the girls for Company Coffee at Home Sanctuary. Click HERE to read more entries.

** My husband learned the first rule of cooking years ago when we were vacationing with my parents for a long weekend in Arizona. He taught my husband how to make omelets and this was the first rule of cooking that he shared with my hubby. I don't know if my dad remembers saying it but we have quoted it often since that time.

Rubber-band expansion

Near the end of the journey in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader as the travelers get close to the edge of the world, the light keeps getting brighter. They all have to expand their capacity to take in so much sun light.

I have been feeling that way. My capacity for absorbing all the good things in my life has needed to be expanded. This steady increase of being pulled in different directions has been drawing me out over time. Last April I felt pulled in new directions in my motherhood. I remember telling a friend that I don't think I can do it anymore. Not sure what it was. But I didn't think that I could keep on, keeping on with the normal, good, every day stuff.

No crisis. Just pulled. Stretched.

I sure didn't know that in a few days after making that comment, I would be further drawn-out as I went away for almost three weeks to help my sister while my husband flew solo at home. This was also before we were notified that my husband would lose his job. Yes, again more stretching.

I felt like a rubber band pulled tight. For a very long time. With no relaxing it to let the band return to its relaxed state.

Now, I realize that my capacity was being expanded for this new season of motherhood that I am entering. My capacity is now a new size of rubber band.

But really, it is not my capacity at all. It is the Lord's capacity working through me. In this fullness of many good things, He reminds me that I can't do it all. That trying harder just won't work. Instead, I need Him. Need Him to help me with all these things that are pulling me in many directions.

Directions that He has lead me to. He is here. In the midst of our many good things. Like a faithful Father, He began to expand my capacity last spring. For I think there is even more I am juggling now. Just as He gave those Narnian voyagers time to be able to absorb more light. So He is expanding me. But not expanded enough to think that I can do it without Him.

Have you felt expanded in new directions lately? Have you sensed God's faithful provision in it?

Be Kind

Be kind to those who are young,
they have a long way to go.

Be kind to those who are old,
they have come a long way.

Be kind to those who are in the middle,

they are the ones busy doing all the work.

--Saying on the wall of a hospital

Basically: be kind to everyone. Can you relate to this quote that I saw on the wall of a hospital a few years ago? I am definitely in the middle.

Which category are you in?

A Friend in Need

I haven't met Joanne Heim in person but I have been reading her blog The Simple Wife for a couple of years. She suffered a stroke several days ago -- January 11 to be exact. She hasn't regained consciousness, yet. She is 38 years old, has a husband and two daughters. If you would like to join the band of prayer warriors on her behalf, please pray. If you would like more information, click on the praying for joanne link below or click on the link to her blog, The Simple Wife, which is on my sidebar of recommended blogs.

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble
Therefore we will not fear,
though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

The Year In Review: Jaeger Style Part II

Christmas morning in our backyard. We live in the city but I'm thankful for our large backyard and this view that looks like the country.


We finally lit our Advent Wreath on Christmas Eve this year.
Last year we did it throughout all four weeks of Advent and became a favorite Christmas memory for me. (Read about that HERE.)

Assistant Mom with the assist in the kitchen (actually helping the husband since he is the main cook in the morning hours. No surprise there for those that know me/us.)

Kip & I with his folks.
I like that we took this picture. We don't have very many of the four of us. Probably because there is almost always more than four of us together when we're together.
We enjoy having family nearby; it's what has kept us in Middle Tennessee for so long.

BFFs
The three of them sure enjoy one another. I'm proud of how they work it out being a threesome. (That is hard for us females to do!)

Sophia's birthday falls right after Thanksgiving. It requires advanced planning to make sure that a birthday party happens. I wasn't on my game this year -- advanced planning has been difficult. It took a couple of weeks to orchestrate all of us getting together and it meant a lot to the birthday girl to have us all celebrate her day (for which she waits all fall -- after all three of the other children have their birthdays.) She wanted a picture of all of us together who were at her family birthday party.

The kids wrote, costumed, staged, and lighted their own play over Thanksgiving week. These are the female actresses in the play.

"Argggh. We are the pirates."
The boys in the play.
There is a video that exists of the play. So someday, if you're family that wasn't there, we'll probably subject you to watch it (whew! it's nice not to be family sometimes?!).

Cousins!

One of Jack's favorite people in the whole world, his older cousin by a year.

My beloved Kip.

Our local Target & OfficeMax parking lot the day after the flood.

Cute, cute, cute. I love this sister shot.
I need to collect and do a collage of pictures of these two that we have taken through the years ever since they were babies.

Some of our dearest friends singing a song at Levi's baptism.

Kindred spirits.
They don't see each other often but they sure love each other.
They are 12 days apart in age and have known each other all of their lives.

Our little fishy.

At camp this summer, the older three went as campers. I went as an assistant cook. (I loved being at camp again.) Someone watched Jack while I was working but every afternoon we had a little time together. We always spent at the pool. Jack loved it. He splashed, dived, and swam. I was surprised how much he improved in a week's time.

This is one of my favorite photos of the year.
Wow, what handsome boys I have.
This is the day at camp we were waiting for the thunder to go away so that we could get into the pool.

A moment of getting along for the two of them.

Kip giving the best man toast at one of his best friend's wedding. He was surprised and honored to be chosen as best man. This was a wedding of rejoicing -- two content single people living and enjoying life when they met the right person to compliment their lives.

Most thankful for the six of us. It was been a wonderful year together.

The Year in Review : Jaeger Style Part I

If pictures are worth a thousand words, I am certainly over my limit. I have been trying to write my annual year-end letter, looking at the calendar and pictures and journals and reflecting. It was been overwhelming to capture in a one-page letter format. Here is a beginning with some of our photos. Enjoy!