Kindness matters

Last Friday night, our family participated in a contra dance -- or square dancing in a line. It's fun because it involves everyone: young and old, experienced and newbie.

When the dance is about to begin, the caller calls out to find a partner. My husband grabbed my hand for most of the night. Near the end of the evening, my husband noticed that there was a little girl crying because she had wanted to dance but didn't have a partner.

We'd already begun to dance and swung to the steps being called out, but he was distracted because he kept noticing the crying girl. He tried more than once to get the attention of the caller to help her find a partner. But the dance danced on without her.

However, at the end of this particular dance the caller put herself into the circle and begun to lead us all around the room. As we passed by the little girl who had dried her tears, my husband grabbed her hand to include her in this part of the dance that didn't require a partner.

After that song, the next dance was a waltz. One of my daughters wanted to dance with her daddy but I stood my claim as his partner. I wasn't going to miss out on dancing with my husband, but shortly into the dance, a little girl cut right in on our dance.

It was the girl who had been crying because she'd been left out. She began to dance with my husband.
I let her cut in.

I understood. She had been drawn to his kindness.

He had seen her need and reached out in a small, seemingly insignificant way. But it touched her.

Kindness drew her.

Kindness matters even in the smallest ways.

When memories stir the deep places

On Tuesday night, I walked the halls of an ICU for the first time in a couple of years. It was a different hospital, but the sights, the sounds, the smells and the somberness of the situation were the same. In the beeps and the attentiveness of one-on-one nursing, hope clung tight in spite of the raw thin battle line between life and death.

It stirred the deep places in me. My youngest daughter could sense it as my husband and I headed off to visit a friend this time, instead of my father-in-law. As we dashed off with no real dinner plans for anyone,  the children asked, "How long do you think you will be gone?" We replied, "We don't know."  My youngest daughter said, "Mommy...your emotions..." I didn't let her finish.

There were so many unknowns. We didn't know what we were eating for dinner; we didn't know if we'd be able to see her; we didn't know how she was doing, we didn't know when we'd be home, and I didn't know what my emotions were doing. It was the familiar, but uncomfortable dance of the unknown. Familiar. Accepted. But still uncomfortable.

And so we waited in the halls of the hospital for news, for change, for an update, for good news. Medical crisis teach the good lesson of living with the 'I-don't-knows'. They are also good for bringing friends and family together. Even while life hovers between suffering, hope, and breathing machines, there is laughter, hugs, stories, and reminiscing. The waiting room camaraderie is good for the soul. It is good not to be alone.  

On Tuesday night, not only were we reminded of the somberness of ICU journey from a couple of years ago, we were also reminded of the goodness of the Lord, particularly in the waiting room vigil that was filled with hugs, reunions, laughter, catching-up, and waiting for an opportunity to see our friend. I remembered how God touched us many times by sweet friends showing up at just the right time being His hands and feet.

I remembered how He is good even when it's hard.

Books to help grow deeper with God

I've been pondering for quite some time a post about my top favorite books. My top favorite fiction books are quite hard to narrow into a neat & tidy finite number that can be easily scribbled about on these pages.

However, as I have been thinking and writing and sharing some of what I am learning recently, I've realized that I am drawn again and again to the same books that help me in my walk with God.

These are the books that I read again and again. In some of them, I have taken to writing in the margins the date next to something that spoke to me and maybe something of the current circumstances that go with that date. As I reread the books, it is encouraging to read the longings in my heart that I prayed about that have been answered and to re-read the words that encouraged me during a particular season or challenge in my life.

The books I have found myself in repeatedly are the  Read Through the Bible in a Year checklist from Discipleship Journal, Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot, and My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.

I have recently added two books to the rotation that I can see becoming regulars. They are 31 Days of Praise and 31 Days of Prayer, both of which are by Ruth Meyer. Another book on the honorable mention list is Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret by Dr. & Mrs. Howard Taylor.

Even as I write these few books down, I feel compelled to begin to mention the many other books that have helped influence and shape me.  

However, truly the biggest impact has been the encouragement to read the Bible directly for myself.

I read a passage of Scripture and then try to write the verse or verses that have stood out to me for that day. I say try because the writing doesn't happen every day. Yet, I like those days best. So that even when I am using a devotional such as Jesus Calling, I usually read the bible verses first, write the two or three verses down that are referenced and then read the devotional. Sometimes when I do this, I find that I spend more time -- or feel more spoken to -- in the verses referenced than in the devotional. Sometimes it is the other way around.

Before I began using devotionals more regularly, I read through books of the Bible, instead of the jumping around that occurs in the devotionals. I highly encourage this reading straight through of books of the Bible, and to reading all of it for yourself. It is good to understand the big picture, the whole word of God. Just keep reading bit by bit, day by day, year by year, for yourself. Read verses here and there due to devotional direction. Read verses in a book by book plan through the Bible. Read the passages that your pastor is teaching about. Read your Bible.

Though I find myself in the morning, reading devotionals, I still read through the Bible. I often use the read through the Bible in  a Year List and check off the books. 

If I am doing a Bible study or a devotional that day, I do that, but then, when I don't know what to do, I go back to my checklist of reading through the Bible in a  year and just pick up where I have left off.

It helps prevent me not reading my Bible just because I don't know what to read. So sometimes it has taken my three to five years to actually 'read through the whole Bible' due to my diversions. There have been other seasons when I have been determined to finish it in a year. For my son, who reads very fast, he finds a year is too long in which to read the whole Bible. He reads it much faster than that. I'm pretty sure that I have never done that.

However, my point is to find a pace that works for you and read through the entire Bible. And when you finish, begin again: either to read it in a year, or 3 months, or on the diversion trail that I have described. Do whatever pace works for you, especially for whatever season of life that you are in. Be encouraged that His word does not go back to Him void. He is faithful to bring forth fruit in your life due to the faithful reading of His Word.

In my reading times, I read a passage of Scripture, copy a verse or two that I really liked, and then I write some thoughts about what I read. Sometimes as I go through a particular book or passage, I will answer a few questions, selecting one or more from this list:

* What did I learn about God?
* What did I learn about Jesus?
* What I did learn about the Holy Spirit?
* What did I learn about man?
* What did I learn about believers?
* What did I learn about non-believers?
* Is there a promise to claim?
* Is there a command to follow?
* How can I apply this Scripture to my life?

Sometimes I will write down my prayer requests. Sometimes I will write down questions about the passage that don't make sense.

Also, when I read the Word has changed throughout the years. For many years, I read just before bed. Then, when I got married and started a full-time job, I found it hard to read at bedtime so instead I read in the nooks and crannies of my time. When I was a mother with young children, I often read during nap time, if I could stay awake. Now, with older children, I find that I can take a leisurely time reading the Word in the morning again. It sure seems luxurious; I am trying to enjoy it because life has proven that it changes. There have been seasons when I have been able to read a lot and study the Word for hours several days a week. There have been seasons when I read the verse taped to my mirror each morning and dashed off to my responsibilities for the day. And everywhere in-between (including days, seasons of laziness).

Just keep reading the Word for yourself. No matter how long it has been since you last picked it up, just keep reading: Day by Day, Week by Week, Year by Year. I hope this encourages you to do that. If I can do it, so can you. Really you can!

How about you? 

What tips do you have  about how to spend time in God's Word in order to grow deeper in your walk with Him?

How a song reminded me of the beauty in release

On Saturday, my oldest daughter's choir sang a haunting melody about giving a loved one the freedom to fly away from you and to trust that they will, in the end, come home to you somehow.

It seems that just yesterday I was the eighth grader struggling against the cocoon to become my own person. Now, I am part of the cocoon that my young adults must struggle against to become who they are.

Some days I just want to close my eyes and wake up in the middle of their adult lives and breathe a sigh of "Whew! We made it"

But, before I can even finish that thought I practically hyperventilate at the thought of my children gone from home. How can this be happening already?  Gone from home? Not yet!

As they sang their choir song, a memory came to me.

Once upon a time in college, I was broken-hearted, lonely, and sad. I had friends but our schedules no longer easily overlapped. It was tough to even make them touch occasionally. I was quite lonely. Then, I met a kind boy. He befriended me. He pursued me. His friendship brought healing to my heart.

Over time, I began to flourish. I wasn't needy in the same overt ways.

I had changed but he didn't know what to do.

He began to smother me. He put me in a box. He wanted me to be the person he'd first met: needy and overly dependent. He couldn't let me be the true me because it wasn't the me he'd known. I no longer fit in the box of who he thought I was.

The weight of this box stifled me. I couldn't breathe. Something had to break: the box, the relationship, or me.

I didn't want the relationship to break because I was quite grateful for his friendship that had given my lonely heart hope. But eventually, though, the relationship broke.

That experience created a strong resolve within me to never confine or stifle anyone like that. It is better to let them be who they are even if it means they can't be with me.

The beautiful, haunting melody of Saturday filled my ears and my heart. As the choir sang, I thought of stifling, confining boxes. I thought of how much I hated them.

Then, I thought of emerging butterflies and the beauty of watching them fly.

I need to let my children become the people that they are even if they are not the people I knew before or who I think they are.

This is the way of letting my children unfold before me even though it means they will fly away from me someday soon.

It would be much better to merely watch the beauty of the butterfly flit around me for a few moments on its journey rather than to crush it in my hands because I so desperately want to keep it for myself.

It means there is struggle in the cocoon of home as they discover who they are. There is struggle as I discover my different role as I begin to release them to the world, careful not to crush their emerging wings, careful not to keep them to myself.

Their beauty is to be shared.

A quiet wave of peace settled over me as I thought of my young adults that need to fly from me. I became transformed from either holding my breath or hyper-ventilating to being able to delight in these remaining flitting moments of these butterflies as they practice their nearby soaring before they take off on their own.

And I can trust that they will find their way back to me somehow.

Have you ever had a similar experience either being stifled, or being released to become your beautiful self or been inspired through a beautiful song? Music inspires writing for me, how about you? Click here if you would like to comment in the blog community.

 

Linking with Jen at SDG.

A cheerful heart is good medicine {day 8}

Last Halloween, {day 48 of Clarence's hospital stay} the kids dressed up and visited Papa. It was super nice to bring some holiday cheer to him. The hospital routine -- the drive, the parking lot, the elevators --  had become our new normal. Therefore, it was quite natural to include papa in our fun.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

Click here to read {day 9}

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This is part of the 31 Day series: 
The Clarence Chronicles: Lessons of Faith from the ICU

Click HERE to read Day 1, which links to all the posts in this series.

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The Clarence Chronicles: The Anointing of Oil {day 3 of 31}

"I put lotion on his forehead and that seemed to satisfy him," said the ICU nurse to my husband and I. We smiled at the news.

Peace filled the room. It was more than the low level of lighting and the slower pace of the evening shift. We felt the peace, especially from Clarence himself.

At this point in the Clarence Chronicles, it is Day 19 or 20 in the hospital. The previous Sunday, our family attended our oldest daughter's first choir concert, which was also a church service. The pastor spoke on James 5:13-16:

"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up."

I felt convicted that we needed to do this. So did my youngest daughter. Even though he was improving and had finally moved from the ICU to a regular room two days ago, we felt convinced that the sermon was hand-picked for us. What we didn't know -- but God did-- is that Clarence would return to the ICU that evening, one of many deep disappointments.

Yet, even after he returned to the ICU, we pressed on and asked Clarence's pastor to come, pray, and anoint Clarence with oil. He did as we requested and brought two elders with him. The three of them anointed Clarence with oil and prayed for him.

After this, Clarence insisted that it was the 'prayer healing oil' that was helping him improve. It was what made him insist that he needed more of it and the nurse put some lotion on his forehead to satisfy him.  Peace spilled over from Clarence and into the room.

We had heard the Word of God. We had obeyed. We had asked. We had prayed. Just like any other medical crisis, we did not know upcoming twists and turns of the journey. Yet we had peace. We could see the peace in Clarence, too. What a treasure!

Click here to read {Day 4}

* * *

This is part of the 31 Day series: 
The Clarence Chronicles: Lessons of Faith from the ICU

Click HERE to read Day 1, which links to all the posts in this series.

* * *

Have you ever experienced the deep peace of God in an unknown circumstance that was the result of direct obedience to Scripture? I would love to hear your stories, too.

31 Days of Stories of Faith from the ICU {day 1)

Okay, okay, okay.... sometimes I am a dive-in, take-a-challenge sort of gal. Sometimes I make it. Sometimes that water you feel is due to my giant belly flop. Well, today I am diving into The Nester's Challenge to write for 31 days on the same topic.  For a gal that hasn't posted in a month, it seems like an unrealistic challenge-- one destined for a flop.

Yet, I feel compelled to write because the stories must be captured -- I must record the faithfulness of God to our family during our unexpected journey in & out of the Intensive Care Unit.

Last September, my father-in-law had a tumor removed from his brain stem. That began a four-month journey in three different hospitals and one rehab unit.

That time marked our family. We learned deep lessons of submission, prayer, neediness, and comfort.

I will share the comfort  that God Himself gave us -- through lasagnas, prayers, songs, costumes, annointing oil and many other ways -- to encourage you in the trial that God may have you going through for it says in II Corinthians 1:4 that He comforted us, "so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

There is comfort. There is hope. At times, there is even laughter. Every story is different. The endings are not all the same, yet there is hope for every weary heart in a trial.

May the words written posted on my blog and in the comments over the next 31 days encourage, inspire, and stir each of us to press on toward the upward call in Jesus Christ.

Come back for more stories of faith, family & fun. Bookmark this page because I'll link each post right here as it goes live to use as a handy-dandy reference guide.

{Day 1} Intro (this post) to The Clarence Chronicles
{Day 2} Breathing In & Breathing Out
{Day 3} The Anointing of Oil
{Day 4} Fun in the ICU? 
{Day 5} A taste of normal  
{Day 6} He stood for the Star Spangled Banner 
(Day 7) Seeing with new eyes
(Day 8) A cheerful heart is good medicine
{Day 9} God answered a prayer, just for her 
{Day 10} Spared from Sorrow Upon Sorrow
{Day 11} The Hardest Day or The Gift of Deep Submission 
{Day 12} The Gift of Deep Submission Part II 
{Day 13} Not my will, but Yours be done Part 3 of 3
{Day 14} Oh how He loves
{Day 15} Birthday Boys 
{Day 16} How things change in a moment
{Day 17) Is suffering worth it? 
{Day 18} Walking In the Valley of the Shadow
(Day 19} The One Thing I Miss From Crisis

 

Hospital gowns & gloves make a  fun picture!

Engaged: In the Middle of the House

Engaged is my word for 2013. I haven't done the One Word theme before. Prior to this year, I haven't been able to come up with One Word to focus upon but now every time I see a One Word blog post I think, "Engaged, that's my word for the year."

Engaged with These Faces in 2013

No matter the challenges that  2013 brings, I want to be intentionally Engaged with my children and my husband. I don't want them to only get the left-overs. I want them to get my Firsts. My intentions. My best.

They have not gotten the lion's share of me in 2012. Some of that is okay. Some of that is the circumstances that we were called to as a family: foster care and then Papa Care when he went into the hospital. But some of it wasn't okay.

For when I found myself with a breather or with down-time, I was off by myself with the door closed to my bedroom or staring at a computer screen. I didn't want one more person demanding something from me or asking me to give something. But when I go off by myself  in this house full of children, I have chosen not to build into the most precious of relationships: my children and my husband. When I give to them, I do not lose, I gain.

I only have four and a half years before the oldest graduates from high-school and the two girls are right behind him. Soon it will be a whirl-wind of activity as we send them off to their own lives and to make their own way in this world. In the meantime, I don't want to lose any opportunities to play a card game, to listen to a story, to give a hug, or to simply just be near them.

They are here. I want to be Engaged with my children and my husband, enjoying them no matter what. Engaged in the middle of the house. I tend towards my bedroom or my computer area when I have down-time. This year, I want to be known for being in the middle of the house. At the dining room table playing a game. In the big easy chair reading a book. In the kitchen cooking for them. I want to be where the life-blood of our family is, where I can be easily Engaged by my loved ones.

I know that I will not regret an ounce of time or energy given to these ones that I love the most. I don't want to miss any  moments with them. I want to be Engaged with them right here in the middle of our house.

With love,

Kathleen

See how they grow? Thought you might enjoy pictures of the kids in the same spot over several years.

In Christmas 2012: ages 7, 11, 13, &14

In May of 2010: ages 4, 8, 10 & 11

 

In July of 2011: ages 5, 9, 11, & 12

 

Blog Reflections of 2012: My Top Read Posts

Today, I wanted to reflect on my top read posts of 2012. Since you are reading this, in all likelihood you have already read these posts but I have linked them just in case. It was interesting to see what made my most read list. I keep telling my husband that he is very popular since his post is the most popular (the one that I wrote to him on our 19th anniversary.) As I glance over the top posts, I see that they have this in common: relationships. Grandparents to grandchildren, women friendships, About Me posts (which is blog readers building a relationship with this blog author), and my most read post is about marriage.

Enjoy and Happy New Year!

My 5th most popular post of this year:

Vision of a Legacy. I wrote this post when I saw how my father-in-law would smile big at my children -- his grandchildren -- when they came into his ICU room. With the rest of us, he would try so hard to communicate what he would want us to do. With them, he would smile, listen, and laugh. So good for his soul. This was my pondering about those smiles of his.

The 4th most popular:
Make new friends, but keep the old. I wrote Part I on this post and I have yet to finish Part II. Oops! Thanks for waiting. This post is about friendship. It is good for me to reflect on the many friendships the Lord has given me through the years. I, too, get lonely, feel left-out, and want a closer friend. But truly, I have been given so much in this area. It takes pondering about it to realize it. So, thinking about friends is good for my soul like scrap-booking is good for my soul. Both requires me to meditate on the good gifts I've been given. I should do this more often.


The 3rd most popular post:
100 Things About Me: Part II.  I actually finished this part II. Thank you to all those that read all 100 items. Only one-fourth of those that read Part I, read Part II. It helps keep the humility in-tact. But, just in case you missed it. Here it is!

The 2nd most popular post:

Celebrating My 100th Post by Telling Everyone 100 Things About Me. I enjoyed composing this post. It is quite lengthy but truly helpful if you're really, really, really wanting to know about the author of this blog. Actually I do like reading posts like this on other blogs, that's the reason I felt free to indulge myself here.







And a big drum roll please for the top read post in 2012:

19 reasons I Love My Husband on our 19th Anniversary. Not only was this my top read post that I wrote in 2012, it is also my most popular post ever, by more than 300%. I love my husband. I love us. I love our marriage. So the popularity of this post causes me to think about writing more about this topic. I might just do that.


The following are the remaining runner's up to complete a Top 11 List: Not all of the Top Posts were about relationships I did include a recipe, book list, and some numbers. But even among these, it is mostly about numbers.

Dreaming of Books;  (Curriculum Planning Worksheet included!)
20 Things About Living in TN for 20 years;  (Would love more insight into this!)
Quick & Easy Mac & Cheese for the Masses;
 When God Calls, God provides; (About our Foster Care endeavors)
Empty Room, Empty Heart;  (About our Foster Care endeavors)
When Coca-cola Made Me Cry; and (About my Father-in-law) About
Siblings Round the Table at Days End (A Poem About Grief & Siblings)

Happy New Year!  
Linking with Jen. Click HERE to check out some great encouragement.

A year ago

Our Christmas 2012 photo: the six of us on vacation this summer. 

A year ago--almost to the day--I slipped on a step, twisted my knee, and needed rehab. No surgery needed, no exciting story to tell, just four months of physical therapy. That was December 27th, 2011.

Then, on the first Sunday of 2012, way back in January but just a few days after my injury, my pastor's wife felt compelled to read a devotional to the congregation. It was about how the Shepherd breaks the leg of  a sheep that wanders so that it learns to stay close to the Shepherd instead of wandering off all of the time.

It struck a chord with me even though I didn't feel like I had been wandering. Yet, my leg was wounded. I had a knee brace, crutches, and was arranging to have an MRI taken. Though I didn't know what it was, I had that sense it was a word from the Lord for me and so I trusted that in time it would be revealed how I had been wandering off.

Now, as I reflect on the year of 2012, I see that the Lord needed to draw me close to His heart for those  months. It wasn't due to sin & rebellion but rather it was preparation for future paths. I would desperately need easy recognition of His voice in the days ahead.

Without any official training, we would become foster parents for nine weeks. For a little over three weeks, we had eight children, for an additional five or so weeks we had five kids. It was an education on many levels. The most important lesson being about the provision of God. He sustains and works through me even when there is nothing left. Truly, that is when His best work usually occurs: when there is nothing left of me. At the very least I recognize it better because I know it definitely isn't me.

In the summertime, we had a small reprieve from unusual circumstances in which we crammed in as much fun as possible. Then, we returned to another crisis -- my father-in-law in the hospital trying to breathe after brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor. It has been 15 weeks, over three months. There has been healing and hope in the midst of many setbacks.

What I didn't know in January is how much I would need the Lord and how drained and empty I would feel by the time October rolled around. That was only six weeks into a still on-going trial. How hard it has been to remain daily in the Word. How hard it has been to remember to pray before meals This is from childhood, folks! I grew up giving thanks before every meal. It's what we do. It's kind of like forgetting to brush your teeth. (Now that I say that I have forgotten that a time or two, as well, but not nearly as often as giving thanks.) How could it be that I have forgotten my way in this?

The Lord is kind, gracious, and forgiving. I'm glad that I have been reminded of where I was in December of last year and all that He has brought my family and I through. He goes before us and behind us. I am so thankful. He gives friends and family to support and some really great memories mixed in with the hard stuff. He loves us. He heals us. He takes us through trials. He grows us.

May I stay close to the Shepherd always, no matter the circumstance.

* * *

How about you? Have you gotten caught up in end-of-year reflections? 

Any insight you want to share?

The way of grandchildren with their grandparents

These four grandchildren at Mt. Vernon in September.

Today marks seven weeks that my father-in-law has been in the hospital. Twelve or so years ago my mom was in the hospital for seven weeks. It is a really long time to be in the hospital. This time, seven weeks has touched three months -- September, all of October, and November. It was about twelve years ago that my mom spent seven weeks in the hospital. Now, we know that she was done at seven weeks. We don't know when my father-in-law will be done.

My mom had walked around with a ruptured appendix for 10 days and then went to the hospital. My mom and my dad were 'snowbirding' in Florida when it happened. Thousands of miles from their support center. I had two kids -- a 1 year old and a baby. Once my mom was on a rehab floor and out of the restricted floors, I fly down to see my mom with my baby. With my Sophie Sunshine. My dad really wanted us to come down because he needed a distraction for my mom because she was getting depressed being in the hospital so long.

Once again, I see the grandchildren having a wonderful effect on a grandparent, just as Baby Sophie had on my mom all those years ago. Grandpa brightens up so much when he sees the children. He smiles big and laughs and enjoys hearing about their lives. It is a beautiful gift to watch.

Though I have four children, and he is glad to see all of them, my Sophie Sunshine is the one who chatters and chatters and interacts the most. Her job to bring sunshine to the world.

Grandpa loves seeing the youngest, the one who shares his middle name, especially because he has only been able to see him a couple of times. 

My oldest is sensitive and kind. He has had a hard time seeing his Papa, but he is brave and continue to come and see his grandfather.

Meagan always says I love you Grandpa. He always responds with "I love you, too" even if his voice has been muffled behind a breathing mask or silent with a trach tube. She clings to the gift of his love.  It is beautiful and benefits  me, too.

This way of my children bringing sunshine to their grandparents, it is a glimpse of the intangible legacy. It is a gift to see the delight of a legacy.

Have you found a gift in a surprising place lately?

On root canals & mother comfort

Kip & I on the front porch of Mt. Vernon on our recent vacation.

I spoke with my mom yesterday. I told her that I had a root canal done. She said, oh is that your first one? She told me that she has had three or four done. And that she has 8-9 crowns. I'm in the process of getting my first crown for the tooth that they did the root canal on.

Why is it that I feel better now that I know my mom has also had a root canal done and has crowns? Not sure. But she still has all of her teeth and no dentures. Is it simply hope to keep my teeth? Or is it the knowing that I'm not the only one?

I know a few other friends who have also had them done. But it made me feel better knowing that my mom had had them done. Kind of like a mom hug from across the  miles.

I guess the comfort of a mother is a lifelong gift to treasure while we can.

A 30 Day Prayer

art by Kathleen Jaeger

For 30 days my father-in-law has been in the hospital. For half of those days, he has needed help to breathe with a ventilator. For 21 of those days, he has been in ICU. For the last week, he has been in a regular room with no major set-backs. This week has been slow & steady progress, much better than the drastic up & down roller-coaster we had been on.

A week with no major set-backs has meant that I have cleaned the bathrooms, straightened the house, made a meal plan for the first time in awhile. My daughter was able to practice the piano every day.

The past thirty days -- though filled with crisis, pain, tears, confusion, and a lot of driving. They have also been filled with time spent with friends and family around the table sharing stories. Lots of prayers and hugs. Lots of out of town family coming into town.

Today I felt very, very drained. In my devotional the verses said, "Consider it all joy when you encounter trials of various kinds..." and "bring the sacrifice of thank offerings..." Though the week itself was lighter, I think the stress & difficulty of the past 3 weeks caught up and came crashing down upon me.

At just the right time, a friend sent a note with a Starbuck's gift card and a verse about the soul being weary...at just the right time there was spiritual encouragement at a Bible study and a very real meal delivered to me & my family.

It is easy to think of how tired I am. How hard it has been. It takes effort to focus on the amazing timing of events displaying God's love and care in the midst of great strain. But I do want to focus on that. This post is part of that...but know there is struggle and there is life. And there is  a God who cares about us all.

Thank you, God for breath. Thank for the progress of my father-in-law this week.
Amen.

Also linking with Jen, click here for more encouragement.

* * * 

How about you? Has there been a season of trial in which you could still see God working and displaying His loving-kindness?

A debt of love

At first, I saw only: "BILL, tips accepted." My snap judgment quickly led me to an inward sigh, "Ahh these children of mine, always asking for money."

She had done me a favor. Now she was not only charging, but accepting tips as well.  (Really it is her older brother who asks often for money. But they all got lumped together here in my sigh.)

But then...but then... I looked ...at my bill and read what it said. Not what I thought it said.

It was not a request for money. It was  a bill for love. "Tips accepted. BILL. 10 hugs, 20 kisses, 2 snuggles." Ahh, so it is my heart -- not hers -- that needs correcting.

She was not asking for money. She served me in love with breakfast. Now, I owed her love -- not money. She told me just how she wanted her love: hugs, kisses, and snuggles. Well, I could do that!!

You see. My children have been serving me ever so diligently since I twisted my knee two days after Christmas. There is a lot of stiffness in the morning. So it takes longer than usual to get going.

Yet, the sooner I can take my meds with food, the better. So, when asked, the older three children have cheerfully made me an egg. Each one in turn has done this, and more than once, too. They have also warmed up my coffee with just the right amount of half-n-half. Just the way I like "my precious" (as the children tease me about it.)

They have even brought it to my bedroom. This has allowed me not to move far and finish my quiet time before I leave the bedroom -- which is working for me right now and helps everyone have a better day if  I have spent time reading my Bible and praying before I tackle my day.

And so my eldest daughter brought me a lovely breakfast: cheesy scrambled egg, coffee, juice, and toast. When I was finished, she carted the dishes off and returned with a bill.

The BILL the next day from the younger daughter.

It reminded me of the verse in Romans:

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another...."

What a practical, tangible way to owe the debt of loving one another. Hugs, kisses, snuggles, "I love yous". Those really are the best debt to have with one another.

It is interesting to say we have the continuing debt to love one another. Why does it say continuing debt, an ongoing debt? Why do we owe love? And how do we show it? Any thoughts?

Have a Happy Valentines Day!

and remember

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." 

Romans 13:8

Linking up with Jen at the SDG Sisterhood. 

Finding a New Groove

One of the groove busters: our MN vacation.
Here are the kids 0n Paul Bunyan's lap in Northern Minnesota.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my schooling groove and my blogging groove. I am looking for them. If you find them --or any of my other good grooves, will you return them to me?

Ahhh, if it could only be that easy.

It's always harder to restart than it is to keep going, isn't it? So, why do I have such trouble remembering that? Sometimes it's a circumstance: a vacation, a sick child, a broken car, or some other time-consuming event. Then my feelings take advantage: I don't feel like it.

Another pic from our groove-busting, memory-filled vacation.

It is just like when I am running along and then... bam... there I am walking. I didn't decide to walk. But I am walking none-the-less. It is best if I take three quick steps as soon as I notice I'm walking or I may walk a long way. And so it is with my habits, I need to take quick action or it may be a long time before I'm grooving again.

Unfortunately, I did not take quick action and so I find myself today in need of lots of gumption to find the grooves of schooling and blogging.

One of the easier grooves to re-establish has been running. It hasn't been as long since I was in the groove as it has been with the others. Also, my oldest is running with me. He woke me up yesterday when I didn't hear my alarm.

So there is that, too: fresh enthusiasm from another. Always very helpful to get over a hump of inertia.

And in the running together, I have passed on a couple of tid-bits: watch your form and it's a mental game. Now, at first they were for him. But, I have found that I need to apply this mental game advice to my every day life.

Our family at our dear friends' wedding.

Most of us can get up and run -- even if it is not your method of getting a work-out. But the big part of learning to run (and a great benefit of running) is to teach your mind to direct and not your body. Decide beforehand how long you will run and how you will run. The work-outs can be slow and easy with no walking or fast and hard run with short walking breaks.

The type of run doesn't matter as much as training the body to do what your mind says and not what it feels like.

And isn't that great advice for tackling the daily details? Determine in advance what you will do in spite of what you feel like doing.

And so, I determined in advance that we will do math this week even though it is birthday week at our house (three birthdays, seven days). We will set our alarms and begin our routines. And instead of reading lots of blogs this morning, I am writing my own blog post. I need to re-establish the blogging groove somehow. Here it is.

Cute, aren't they?
At the end of our three-day camping trip in Northern Minnesota.

What are you determining to do in spite of how you feel?
Are you in a good groove?
Or, are you like me and beginning again?

P.S. Welcome to the Company Girls...I've been gone awhile...thanks for checking in on me...and for my other readers click HERE to get to know some other folks...

He has risen, just as He said

"The angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples. " Matthew 28: 5-7a

Happy Easter to you and yours.

Joyfully,
Kathleen

My new friend, Morning

I am becoming friends with Morning. There was a time when we were enemies.

For many years, duty demanded that I get up. The alarm went off. I went through the motions and then I took off for the day. Then, the days of little ones surrounded me. Their hungry bellies compelled me to get up and feed them.

But, I have always delighted in the night time hours -- anytime after 9 p.m. During high school, I stayed up late reading. Then came college when I stayed up late talking & talking & talking. Most of my closest friends in college were made during those late night talks.

Over the years of parenting, I have realized that my late night tendencies and my Morning avoidance were a detriment to mothering well. So there has been a lot of angst and push and pull to get up earlier.

There have been bouts of pushing myself to get up earlier, no matter what. I just need to do this. But, after a couple of months of getting up earlier and only rarely going to bed earlier, I would crash and burn, usually punctuated by sickness.

I would feel so much guilt. I began to set up Morning (as in getting-up-early-in-the-morning) as an idol, a cure-all for all of my failings & down-falls. There was too much pressure on Morning to deliver me from all of my short-comings.

Most of the time, I would get rolling slowly in the morning. When the expectations of the day and the reality of the day would come crashing in on me, I would feel guilty for sleeping in. I would lose my temper easily with my children.

Resolved to do better, I would get up early the next day. And lo, and behold, I was still be quick to lose my temper with my children.

Getting up early didn't solve all my problems!

I was in a lose-lose situation.

I had to get out of thinking that Morning would save me. No, Jesus saved me. Getting up early in the morning would not solve all my problems.

So, oddly enough, the first real step in becoming true friends with Morning was avoiding her, ignoring her. Don't look at the clock. Just get up and do your routine. No pressure.

Then, as time went on. I saw the need to get going earlier. The need to lead the children. When I went to bed earlier, sometimes I awoke on my own. Most of the time, I don't.

Finally, Morning and I have made peace.

I am not seeking to save my soul (or my parenting) via Morning. I don't hate Morning anymore. I have even liked Mornings on certain days!

What a shocking thing to say! What? Me, the night owl? Known for keeping crazy, late hours? How could I like Morning!?! (It was just as shocking for me to say: I like cooking but that is another story related to the one HERE.)

Morning and I now have a few wonderful shared moments together. Not a lot. But a few. And I found out that I like her!

This, this Morning that I have hated so long. I like her. She forgives me when I stay away for days and days. Just as happy to see me as if I had been there every day.

She is nice like that.

What does this look like? Probably on the outside about the same as it did before. Some days I get up and get going. Some days I snooze the alarm again and again. There are days I have even slept through my alarm. But, occasionally I wake before the alarm and have a beautiful time with Morning.

I have made peace with Morning.

We're in the early stages of building a friendship. I don't know that Morning & I will ever be kindred spirits. But at least we are becoming friends. And I think I like it.

* * *

How about you? Are you friends with Morning?

Be Kind

Be kind to those who are young,
they have a long way to go.

Be kind to those who are old,
they have come a long way.

Be kind to those who are in the middle,

they are the ones busy doing all the work.

--Saying on the wall of a hospital

Basically: be kind to everyone. Can you relate to this quote that I saw on the wall of a hospital a few years ago? I am definitely in the middle.

Which category are you in?