Celebrating a man deeply admired

 

Happy Birthday to my Father-in-law, Clarence. October 22, 2014, would have been his 81st birthday. He was a man who worked hard, played hard, and loved deep. He had a twinkle in his eye, an easy laugh, and a hankering for sweets.

For a little over twenty-one years, I have lived near my father-in-law. Yet, I learned more about the depth of his character during the last 13 months of his life than all the years before. Oh, his character was there all along but the depth of it was revealed through a long trial of watching him struggle to breathe in the hospital for months. It is hard to remember those days of suffering – it was equally hard to see his wife so distraught at his distress. And yet, it was in the suffering, that I saw a man worthy of my deep admiration.

He left a strong legacy in his daughter and five sons. This year he celebrates his birthday with Jesus.

In a few days from now, we will remember the last day we saw him alive. Then, a few more days and we will remember the day he went to be with Jesus. We miss you Clarence!

 

 

Some links to the other part of the story:

An answered prayer just for her 

A cheerful heart is good medicine

Walking in the shadow of death

When Coca-cola made me cry

and one of my favorites from this season:

Remembering Right Things

We grieve with hope, as it says in I Thessalonians 4:13-14:

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus."

When coca-cola made me cry...

Fulfilled Longing

He had been silent for four weeks.
 And then he spoke.

He said, "Coca-cola"
Because that's what the speech therapist told him to say.

And I cried.
I wanted to weep.
Instead tears ran down my cheeks.

He spoke. Emotion erupted from my eyes. I didn't know how much I had been longing for him to speak again. Until those tears came streaming down.

Proverbs 13:12 says:
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Silent tears giving testimony to a longing fulfilled. May he -- my father-in-law -- who is still in the hospital battling to clear his lungs speak ever, clearer and clearer.

* * * 

Have you been startled by the intensity of a longing fulfilled?

Linking also with Jen at SDG sisters and Emily at Imperfect Prose

Siblings round the table at day's end

Siblings 'round the table
At day's end
Many years since it's been
Just us

Wives, husbands, kids
Usually
Take their place around the table

But not tonight

Not at the end of this day
Nor at the end of that day
Both days
Breathing has been labored

And we gather

Because breath and life have been a struggle
In & out
Out & in
Labored & heavy

It is just the siblings here now
Children grown enough
To leave the adults
At the table
No in-laws either
They are busy taking care of other things

Just us

Gathered at the table
At the end of the waiting day
The miles apart
Have lessened

The tubes
The struggling of breath
The need for cheering one another's hearts
That comes by being in this loss
Together

Together
Around the table
Where we fought about whose turn it
Was to do the dishes
And we teased and scolded
And ate many meals
Siblings only
Just like the days of old

Except now
The battle is for life and breath

We wish it wasn't the suffering
That brought us here
Yet, we are
Together again as
Siblings round the table
At days end

* * *
Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose.

The way of grandchildren with their grandparents

These four grandchildren at Mt. Vernon in September.

Today marks seven weeks that my father-in-law has been in the hospital. Twelve or so years ago my mom was in the hospital for seven weeks. It is a really long time to be in the hospital. This time, seven weeks has touched three months -- September, all of October, and November. It was about twelve years ago that my mom spent seven weeks in the hospital. Now, we know that she was done at seven weeks. We don't know when my father-in-law will be done.

My mom had walked around with a ruptured appendix for 10 days and then went to the hospital. My mom and my dad were 'snowbirding' in Florida when it happened. Thousands of miles from their support center. I had two kids -- a 1 year old and a baby. Once my mom was on a rehab floor and out of the restricted floors, I fly down to see my mom with my baby. With my Sophie Sunshine. My dad really wanted us to come down because he needed a distraction for my mom because she was getting depressed being in the hospital so long.

Once again, I see the grandchildren having a wonderful effect on a grandparent, just as Baby Sophie had on my mom all those years ago. Grandpa brightens up so much when he sees the children. He smiles big and laughs and enjoys hearing about their lives. It is a beautiful gift to watch.

Though I have four children, and he is glad to see all of them, my Sophie Sunshine is the one who chatters and chatters and interacts the most. Her job to bring sunshine to the world.

Grandpa loves seeing the youngest, the one who shares his middle name, especially because he has only been able to see him a couple of times. 

My oldest is sensitive and kind. He has had a hard time seeing his Papa, but he is brave and continue to come and see his grandfather.

Meagan always says I love you Grandpa. He always responds with "I love you, too" even if his voice has been muffled behind a breathing mask or silent with a trach tube. She clings to the gift of his love.  It is beautiful and benefits  me, too.

This way of my children bringing sunshine to their grandparents, it is a glimpse of the intangible legacy. It is a gift to see the delight of a legacy.

Have you found a gift in a surprising place lately?

On holding hands and telling stories

They sat together today. He in the chair. She on the bed. She held his hand. She told him about the grandchildren opening the trunk of costumes out in the barn. And the hours of fun the children had trying on costumes and looking at the mirror. And he smiled and laughed (a silent laugh but a laugh none-the-less). She told him how they caught a mole. And how Sophie held it. And how it had paws like shovels and silky fur. And he smiled and laughed some more.

 She asked him if he'll be able to polka in November when the kids come for Thanksgiving to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. He shrugged his shoulders.

We cheered when he sat in a chair today because it has been days and days and days since he sat in a chair. And the Occupational Therapist had him shrug his shoulders today. Perhaps that's why he was good at that.

He asked her to massage his arms. And she did. So lovingly. Together almost fifty years. Their oneness evidenced by me in the hospital today. Invited and welcomed to be there.

And we are thankful that he breathes today. Better than yesterday.

Thankful for today.
Thankful that he breathes.
Thankful that he communicates.
Thankful she held his hand and they shared life together today.
Thankful for a story about costumes and moles during a long hospital ICU stay.

Maybe more of my time should be spent holding hands and telling stories.
Creating more margin for the real space of real life to take place.

I am thankful for today, even though he is still in ICU, even though it has been longer than 30 days.
Amen.

* * *

What are you thankful for today?

Linking with Ann, Jen and Emily this week.

FMF: On voice

My youngest using his voice.

 On voice.
My daughter sings with a lovely voice with the Nashville Children's Choir. My father-in-law has lost his voice due to a tracheostomy. And as a wanna-be-author, I am trying to find my voice. Speaking up for those who do not have a voice.Singing with a lovely voice. Learning to communicate without a voice.

Our voice speaks. Our voice needs to be heard. We want to be heard. We want to communicate. We want to interact. Some voices are high. Some are low. Sometimes we can hear the voices but we do not understand what is being said.

Voices. Unique. A way to give thought. A way to interact. Voicing our opinions. Voice: it is important.

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Whew! I haven't participated in Five Minute Friday in awhile. (Click HERE if you are interested in participating or reading other entries.) This was a hard go. But I am going to play along and hit publish after five minutes of writing with no editing. Publishing as is! Yikes!  Obviously, I need to keep practicing this exercise of writing for five minutes on a topic.

Happy Friday friends. What would you like to voice today?
--Kathleen