Christmas cheer: It's worth it!

My nine-year-old son has been initiating Christmas cheer around here. Not the teenagers. Not the parents. It has been the joy and wonder of the youngest that has motivated us to put up our tree, to read our Advent calendar, to decorate our house, to bake Christmas cookies.

I am thankful for this encouragement to find Christmas joy in the nooks and crannies of our home and our busy lives.

I get stressed at this time of year -- what mother doesn't? Yet, I don't always realize how much my children know that and dislike a stressed out momma.

During the past few years when life got a bit more topsy-turvy than usual (read about that  here and here), I haven't had the drive to create all of our usual Christmas traditions. This year the kids were asking to bake cookies again since we hadn't done it in a few years. My oldest noticed the look on my face; he said that he would rather not do the cookies if it was going to stress me out.

His comment caused me to pause.

I know that the look on my face was partly due to the sigh in my heart at letting traditions, such as the cookie decorating, fall to the wayside. I love the rituals and the traditions. I want to be able to say that we decorated Christmas cookies: Every. Single. Year. But... I can't.

So part of my look was that disappointment and part of it was wondering: 'How can we fit it all in?' My oldest took the look to mean: Mom is stressed by this request.

I'm glad he spoke. It got me thinking.

First, I realized this: Life is stressful.There is a lot to do in this season, a lot of which hinges on the momma. But taking out the meaningful or fun parts will never reduce my life to being completely stress-free. Therefore, I must make time for joy. We must do I the activities that give our lives meaning.

However, this is where discernment is needed. These 'must-do' activities are not to be confused with pressure, or the obligations or the images I have of  'just how things are suppose to be.' They need to be the essential ones we really love.

I need to examine in order to reduce how much I need to do; having less to do also helps to reduce my stress level. Keep it simple. Keep the list short. Then, I need to be sure to keep the activities that give meaning and energy to our lives do not fall by the wayside because I am too stressed.

Secondly, I realized this: not only do I need to do those important, meaningful life giving activities, such as decorating Christmas cookies. I also need to participate in them with a non-stressed look on my face. It would be best if I would be light and free spirit and truly enjoy the moment. 

It helps if I remember I have chosen this moment and it's worth it. I can do this by remembering that the fun, the memories, the traditions, they are not what add stress to my life.  Life is just stressful.

So instead of throwing out all of the fun we're making time for a few of our favorite traditions this year: Christmas cards, birthday parties, and cookie decorating. We are filling our lives this season with opportunities for joy, laughter, and memories due to a momma listening to the desires of a nine-year-old boy and letting it inspire her to keep on, keeping on the very best things in her world.

How is this season going for you?

In this busy -- often stressful -- season:

Which activities bring you and your loved ones energy & joy? 

Could you reduce your list to a small core of the 'most meaningful'?

What activities are the most important to keep doing for you and your family?

How to Change Frustration to Thankfulness

Let’s play a game. What do a rock, a magnetic letter “R”, and a fruit snack wrapper have in common?

Can you guess their commonality?

Aww, it may be a trick question since their connecting point is simply that they have all been found in my purse.

Yep, you got it. A rock, an R, and a wrapper lived in my purse for a time.   

Sometimes when I notice such things, I get a ‘burst of love’ and I delight in the children that put them there. But, unfortunately, there are the many other times that I just get frustrated. Often, I sigh, “Why is this in here? Who put a rock in my purse? Why do they think my purse is a garbage can?”

On those days, all I can see is work, inconvenience, and thoughtlessness. Rocks need to go outside. Toys need to be put away. Wrappers need to go in the garbage can. Why am I the only one who cares about such things?

When I first became a mom, it was easier for me to be thankful because there was a time when I thought that I couldn’t have children. Sadly as the years sail on by, I easily forget these words that I penned long ago:

“There are so many hopes and dreams tied up into having a baby that I never fully realized were there. Until now. When we are really trying.  And it’s not happening. I can’t believe how much it is a daily ache within me. Yet, I am still hopeful and know that it’s the Lord who opens and closes the womb. And He can choose to do that for us.”

 Eventually, God granted our hope and dream of children.

About nine months after my firstborn son arrived, I said, “The hardest of days with my child are better than the best of days when the longing was so great.”

I wish I could hang onto those feelings of overwhelming gratitude.

But, to be honest the day-to-day grind takes its toll. I often do not stop to ponder and delight in my children. Nor am I thankful for all things at all times.

However, I recently discovered how to change my frustrated thinking into thankfulness. Angela Thomas, in her book Tender Mercy for the Mother’s Soul, says:

The blessings of motherhood have been honored through the ages. Somewhere inside of us, God has told us that this assignment and these relationships surpass any calling on earth. Somewhere in your soul, you know that to hold your own baby and kiss the back of his neck is a holy privilege. The blessings of motherhood are the kinds of things that take our breath away—the moments you hold in your heart forever.

            One day someone asked me, “What are the three hardest things about having four small children?”

            I quickly responded, “No sleep, the never-all-folded laundry and talking to little people all day.”

            Then he asked, “What are three of the best things?”

            I immediately realized that the blessings came attached to the frustrations. “The best things are having my three-year-old crawl into the middle of our bed around 2 a.m. and hold my hand the rest of the night … clean-footed pajamas on freshly bathed toddlers, scooting around the house until bedtime…and the tender words that come from the pure heart of a child.”

 ‘Blessings come attached to the frustrations.’ To learn how to see the blessing that is tied to the frustrations of life is the key to learn how to give thanks for all things at all times.

So, here, I’ll go first.

What can I be thankful for with this rock? Well, when I ask my children who made the rocks, they gladly shout, “God did.” I am thankful for their tender hearts that so easily claim the truths of Jesus.

What about the letter “R”? When I think of this letter R, I can see my two-year-old handing it to me and saying, “Here go, Mommy.” It is a gift from the hand of a two-year-old just because she loves me.

What about the fruit snack wrapper? I can remember the delighted whoops in the grocery store when I finally said “yes” to one of their repeated demands of ‘Mommy can I have this?” Truly, it takes so little to please them.

I am deeply thankful to have children. Therefore, I am glad that I have a rock, a letter R, and a fruit snack wrapper in my purse. They are reminders that God has fulfilled a deep longing in my heart.

And so you just might find a rock in my purse and wonder why it’s there.

Well, I left it there to remind me to be thankful for the frustrations in life because they are really just reminders of how God has fulfilled a deep longing of my heart.

How about you? 

Can you think of the blessing that is tied to a frustration in your life? 

Please share in the comments.

How a song reminded me of the beauty in release

On Saturday, my oldest daughter's choir sang a haunting melody about giving a loved one the freedom to fly away from you and to trust that they will, in the end, come home to you somehow.

It seems that just yesterday I was the eighth grader struggling against the cocoon to become my own person. Now, I am part of the cocoon that my young adults must struggle against to become who they are.

Some days I just want to close my eyes and wake up in the middle of their adult lives and breathe a sigh of "Whew! We made it"

But, before I can even finish that thought I practically hyperventilate at the thought of my children gone from home. How can this be happening already?  Gone from home? Not yet!

As they sang their choir song, a memory came to me.

Once upon a time in college, I was broken-hearted, lonely, and sad. I had friends but our schedules no longer easily overlapped. It was tough to even make them touch occasionally. I was quite lonely. Then, I met a kind boy. He befriended me. He pursued me. His friendship brought healing to my heart.

Over time, I began to flourish. I wasn't needy in the same overt ways.

I had changed but he didn't know what to do.

He began to smother me. He put me in a box. He wanted me to be the person he'd first met: needy and overly dependent. He couldn't let me be the true me because it wasn't the me he'd known. I no longer fit in the box of who he thought I was.

The weight of this box stifled me. I couldn't breathe. Something had to break: the box, the relationship, or me.

I didn't want the relationship to break because I was quite grateful for his friendship that had given my lonely heart hope. But eventually, though, the relationship broke.

That experience created a strong resolve within me to never confine or stifle anyone like that. It is better to let them be who they are even if it means they can't be with me.

The beautiful, haunting melody of Saturday filled my ears and my heart. As the choir sang, I thought of stifling, confining boxes. I thought of how much I hated them.

Then, I thought of emerging butterflies and the beauty of watching them fly.

I need to let my children become the people that they are even if they are not the people I knew before or who I think they are.

This is the way of letting my children unfold before me even though it means they will fly away from me someday soon.

It would be much better to merely watch the beauty of the butterfly flit around me for a few moments on its journey rather than to crush it in my hands because I so desperately want to keep it for myself.

It means there is struggle in the cocoon of home as they discover who they are. There is struggle as I discover my different role as I begin to release them to the world, careful not to crush their emerging wings, careful not to keep them to myself.

Their beauty is to be shared.

A quiet wave of peace settled over me as I thought of my young adults that need to fly from me. I became transformed from either holding my breath or hyper-ventilating to being able to delight in these remaining flitting moments of these butterflies as they practice their nearby soaring before they take off on their own.

And I can trust that they will find their way back to me somehow.

Have you ever had a similar experience either being stifled, or being released to become your beautiful self or been inspired through a beautiful song? Music inspires writing for me, how about you? Click here if you would like to comment in the blog community.

 

Linking with Jen at SDG.

5 pieces of advice for a mother-to-be

A diaper cake created by my lovely daughters Sophie & Meagan.

Over the weekend, I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend and I've been thinking about words of wisdom that I would give to this new momma-to-be. Oh, there are lots of particulars that I remember having to learn. Such as which foods to feed when and such.And I don't remember those particulars anymore (even though my youngest is only 6).But these are some  principles that I gleaned along the way. I'm sure I've only scratched the surface. But here goes:


Peek at your children every night when they are asleep.
Look at that beautiful, sleeping face that you love without smudges, tears, or temper tantrums and fall back in-love with your baby. The harder the day; the more crucial it is to peek at them.

"Are you peeking again?" My husband would say, as he climbed out of bed to join me in my nightly ritual. Soon enough, he was as addicted to peeking as I was.

Hmmmm. It has been awhile since I've peeked at the children. Perhaps it's time to begin again. Or perhaps it's because they often go to bed just before me and are not yet asleep. Our stage has changed which leads us to the next tip:

Embrace the stage
Each stage of mothering has its challenges...and its joys. When they are newborns, they interrupt your sleep. A. Lot.  But they also fall asleep in your arms. They cry but smile only at you. Toddlers challenge your directions but they are fascinated with discoveries. Dandelions become wishing flowers. They are seeing the world for the first time, reminding us adults of fascinating discoveries we've forgotten long ago.

When the interrupted sleep and the seemingly constant challenges to our authority tempts us to wish they were older OR were already potty-trained. Remember, that we are also wishing away the cute hugs and kisses, how easy they are to hold or whatever the treasure of that stage is.

Embrace each stage with its challenges and joys.

Do what works.
Yes, seek wisdom. Read some books, ask some questions of mom peers and older-than-you moms. But in the end...do what works. Which really means: gain confidence in your own motherly insight.

Even the first time they hand a crying baby to you over the very experienced moms in the room because you're the mom and you don't have as much mothering experience. Even then you're the expert because you're the mom of this baby and you love that baby in a way no one else does.

That love goes a long way.

I gleaned this hint of Do What Works just a day  into the new motherhood journey. In the hospital, struggling to nurse my newborn. The night nurse handed me a nursing shield. I didn't want to use it because all of the expert books said that this would confuse the baby and hinder his bonding process.

In the middle of the night, the nurse gently said, "You do what works." I used the shield. The baby & I both calmed down as he nourished his hungry, growing body. Even though I worried about what I was doing. If it was right or wrong. In the end it worked. My baby grew.

And as I grew in my motherly confidence, I realized that what works in your home looks a lot different from the books or how someone explains it to you. So if it is working, don't worry. Embrace it. Be thankful that it's working. Because there are certainly times when nothing works.

And for those times, remember this: 

When all else fails, send them to bed.
My mother in law told me this. So when "do what works" isn't working. Send them to bed. Turns out that this philosophy works well for toddlers, teenagers, and moms, too!.

Many times when I am in the kitchen prepping the next meal and the kids are fussing and I can barely think, then "when all else fails, send them to bed" floats into my mind.

Sometimes this means picking them up and setting them in their cribs. Sometimes it means they will walk to their beds and climb in with little or no fuss. Sometimes they won't go... and well that's another  story. But if they will go I highly recommend this practice.

Some quiet moments on the bed gives a needed break from each other's expectations. We need a place to be quiet, to think, pray, read, or sleep by ourselves without a screen to amuse us. This is a learned skill. And an important one at that because it refreshes the soul.

But do remember that not all things are solved during a 30 minute nap so hear this:

It takes time.
My mother-in-law said this when I was lamenting about how long it was taking to potty-train my first child. She said, "It takes time." In our high pressure culture to do, to see, to conquer. It's hard to slow down and take the time.

But that is what the children need. Time. It takes time to comb the tangles out. It takes time to learn how to use a toilet after years of never having used one.It takes time to walk from here to there.

This is an overarching principle:. It takes time. It takes time for a baby to become an adult. If it was quick and easy, we would be like the animals who send their children off in a year's time. But we don't. We have a much longer learning curve than that.

Our lives are in process. We all need time. Time to be who we are created to be. Parenting takes time. And in this culture where time is almost as precious as money and fame, it is a self-sacrificing place to take the time to walk as slow as a toddler needs.

To take the time to teach and to train instead of fussing at them for things they couldn't possibly know. It takes time to embrace the moment. Time to find what works and to do it. Time to send them to bed and take a break to breathe. Time to peek at them.

Take the time. Because before you know it seven minutes will have gone by and they'll be gone.

  * * *

What would you add?  What are some principles of parenting that you have gleaned? 

Linking with Jen at SDG sisters, click HERE for more inspiration.

What's baking at my house this week

This is what is on my plate this week -- quite literally-- the baking of a pirate cake. We're hosting a Pirate Themed Birthday party for the youngest who is turning six and who is having his first friend party.

I encouraged the party to be a Pirate Theme just so I could make this cake -- for the third time. Third time is the charm -- right!?! Last year I convinced him not to have a pirate cake. This year, I persuaded him to have a pirate cake. What's up with that?

It started when he was turning three. I had asked him what kind of cake that he wanted after we'd been through the bakery aisle at the grocery store. We'd oohed and aahed over the neat looking cakes.

So when asked what kind of cake he wanted, he answered, "A pirate cake."

I meant chocolate or vanilla. He meant a pirate cake.

I didn't want to buy the cake due my frugal tendencies. Instead, I set out to learn how to make a pirate cake. It didn't look that hard. And it wasn't; but, as usual, I didn't give myself a lot of time to experiment with such a project.

I baked it. I built it. We ate it.

Then his four year old birthday approached.

"What kind of cake would you like?" asked his mommy.

"A pirate cake, " he replied.

Since I didn't keep anything that I had used to make it, I had to search again for directions on the internet although this time I could also look at my pictures. It went okay.

When the five year old birthday came around. I convinced him to choose another cake; perhaps by not giving him the option of a pirate cake. (I don't really remember since that was a year ago.) I didn't want to be locked into baking a pirate cake for the next 10 years.

But I guessed I missed making it since I convinced him to go with a Pirate Theme just so I could make this cake!

Since making a cake for the third time may not be stressful enough (even though I will probably need to look up directions again. I don't know, of course, since it is only Tuesday and the party is Saturday), we're going to make our own pinata for the very first time. This will help just in case things won't be stressful enough getting ready for the kid party on Saturday. Tee-hee. Right now, it sounds fun and creative. Hopefully it remains so, especially with an inspired 13 year old around that can spearhead the pinata project while I bake the pirate cake again.

It should be a fun week!

But if you'd like to give some pinata-making tips, they are quite welcome.

So....what's baking at your house this week?

Thirteen

For the day my first born turned thirteen 2 1/2 weeks ago

Thirteen years.

Thirteen is an unlucky number, or so they say,

But not for me

Because thirteen years ago today

My dream came true

I became a mom

Thirteen years from now

I will be a mom whose children are all grown

How dare they come and

Change my heart, my home, my life

And fly away so soon

Yet that is their calling

And my calling too

To help them become

Who they are called to be

And in the process

It changes me

Changing diapers, making meals

Teaching fractions and phonics

To say please and thank you, too

Reading books and saying prayers

Tickles and laughter and outbursts of tempers

Theirs and mine

And I am changed

Holding their hands, holding their hearts

As they change

To become who they are called

To be

And in the process

It changes me

Thirteen

* * * * * * * * * * * *

How about you?

Has a recent milestone made you reflect upon your life?

And/or what advice do you have for us

for these upcoming teenage years?

* * * * * * * * ** * * *

p.s. Linking up with Company Girls at Home Sanctuary. Check it out HERE.

Here and There *

*This post has been edited to add a few photos and captions.

Three weeks it has been since I blogged. I have not abandoned nor forsaken the blog. In my three week blogging absence, we have been living life. I will highlight a few of our adventures.

We picked five gallons of strawberries. They were the best tasting strawberries I have ever eaten in my life. We ate a lot of fresh strawberries. I have some puree in the freezer to make into homemade strawberry jelly, hopefully soon.

Our feasting table

We had a Greek feast to celebrate the end of our school year. We hosted some Olympics: we ran around the house 10 times, did the long jump, threw a discus (a frisbee) and a javelin (a Nerf sword), raced chariots (bikes) and thumb wrestled. The oldest prepared the games for the night. The girls prepped the table and helped get dinner on the table. The youngest helped mama secure the goods for the feast at the store. And hubby made leaf wreaths for each of us that we put on our heads after completing the Olympics.

On feast nights, dinner always follows Ken Wojack's** First Rule of Cooking: Make 'Em Wait (because everything tastes better when you're hungry.) We enjoyed tasting Greek feta cheese that was actually from Greece. I was surprised how much all the kids loved it. We also had kalamata olives (which none of the children liked), pita bread, hummus, cucumbers, rotisserie chicken, and baklava. We had each child stand up as we praised what they did this year. I imagined having certificates to give them but instead we simply verbally praised them. The five year old seemed to glow especially bright as he stood up. He is so excited to be in Kindergarten next fall and especially Sparks in AWANA.

"Yes! School is out!"

Though we had the end of the year banquet, we are still 'finishing' school this week. We are logging some math hours and putting the finishing touches on our human body unit, history notebook, field trip notebook, and assembling books they wrote and illustrated this year.

I have started leading a women's Bible study on Colossians with my Teacher's Lounge (TL for short) friends. This is the third time that I have essentially have written the Bible study (two for this group and one time for another group). Love, love, love this writing and leading of Bible studies. Two of some of my top favorite things in life: leading Bible studies and being with these homeschooling friends woven together by God. Though I have many friends that homeschool and many dear friends in life, I am thankful for nearby friends that homeschool, that pursue the Lord, and laugh a lot, too.

I spent one day scrapbooking and completed 11 pages. Sweet number three is now 9 months old in her baby scrapbook (and only 9 years old in life!) Feels good to have made some progress. When I actually return to scrapbooking, it is so good for my soul to reflect on all the good in my life. My hand-written journal processes life. It includes good things, too, but, there is something about seeing photos of laughing children, of me holding my babies, of the older three with huge smiles and all crammed onto hubby's lap that seeps deep into my soul causing it to resonate with gratefulness. I need to put scrapbooking back into my regular routine somehow!

We re-started the garden. Thanks to my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we can actually see green peppers, beans, and flowers where vegetables will be.

We've been hiking and made friends with Flit, the Butterfly. We went to a Memorial Day service. We made fleischkeuckle and visited with a brother-in-law and sister-in-law that were in-town. We've been to a $1 summer movie. And we've been staying home! It seems I could have had more time to blog lately with a freer schedule but I've been decompressing from our usual fast-paced spring that included the adjustment of two new jobs --one for hubby and one for me. (Mine was part-time and is done for the summer. Thankfully hubby's is on-going!). Also, we're still transitioning from the spring school schedule to the summer schedule which hasn't really seemed to settle in, yet. Before we know it, it will be time to start up school again.

So here's to hanging onto these fleeting moments of life while I can. Hope everyone has a joyful day.
Joyfully,
--Kathleen

Joining the girls for Company Coffee at Home Sanctuary. Click HERE to read more entries.

** My husband learned the first rule of cooking years ago when we were vacationing with my parents for a long weekend in Arizona. He taught my husband how to make omelets and this was the first rule of cooking that he shared with my hubby. I don't know if my dad remembers saying it but we have quoted it often since that time.

The Tension in the Becoming

I'm linking up with Five Minute On Fridays where we throw caution (editing, revising, and worrying) to the winds and just write for five minutes. Without wondering if it’s just right or not.


Today's Prompt: If I knew I could, I would....

GO:

If I knew I could, I would get up earlier than my children every day. I would run 2-5 miles. I would have my own time reading the Bible and praying. Then, I would start breakfast. I would greet each child as they awoke with a smile and a hug. They would feel great because their mama had started the day before them.

I would have had enough rest so that my temper would stay hidden inside of me forever. I would always be patient, always be kind. I would always be looking into every teachable moment and do it with grace. When they fuss and yell, I would always respond in the responsible manner never stooping to act like their age.

I would look them in the eye. They would always know that they are truly the most important people in my life. Never a doubt. I would still be fun and yet be on task for our duties for the day. I would embrace the moment always.

As I listen to my list, I hear myself sound like a perfect woman -- a perfect mama. For them, I wish I could be perfect so that they would have only good and no harm from me. But, alas, I am not perfect. And God calls me to delight in my weaknesses and in my insults for His power is perfected in weakness. (II Corinthians 12:9-10). And as they watch me walk out my imperfect life perhaps that is what gives them the most hope because they, too, will have to learn to walk their imperfect lives, too.

STOP


Welcome to those who have come to visit from Five Minutes on Fridays. And Hello to Friday's Company Girls at Rachel Anne's Home Sanctuary.

How about you? What would you do if you knew you could?

You can answer in your thoughts, the comments, or in a blog post and link up with the Five Minute on Friday folks.

It looks beautiful here after a week of storms, it is nice to see the sun. I'm off soon to pick up my runner's packet for the Country Music Half Marathon today. Woo-hoo. Hopefully the weather will be nice for the race tomorrow.

Have a wonderful Friday.

Tips from the Trenches: On Toilet Paper

A little tip from the trenches today. In an effort to be more frugal and also because some folks gave us some toilet paper, I decided to no longer be married to one brand of toilet paper. I listened to the frugal folks. They say, "Buy what's on sale; buy generic; don't be loyal to brands."

So I did just that. I switched to a cheaper brand.

Not only did I get less expensive toilet paper, I also received some great, new parenting advice through the experience. I haven't seen it in any parenting books or expert columns and certainly not upon the frugal blogs that gave the tip about not being loyal to brands. I understood that brand loyalty gets you in trouble with the frugal bottom line.

I have a problem, though. The great parenting advice and the frugal advice have a conflict.

Frugal says: Buy what's on sale.

The pretty azaleas in our front yard.

Great parenting advices says: Don't switch toilet paper brands if you have kids.

We have used a brand that is quite thin. For years. I have four children.

I switched to a thicker, softer toilet paper. It was cheaper but the frugal skeptic in me wondered if it would last as long because it was thicker.

Did I mention that I have kids?

They didn't make an adjustment to how much toilet paper they were using.

A plunger now lives next to the toilet.

Do I need to say more?

I am brand loyal again to the original toilet paper that I used to buy and the plunger still lives next to the toilet.

The things they didn't tell me at my baby showers! Don't switch toilet paper if you have kids.

But now I know. And so do you!

* * * *
I am linking up with Leila & Rosie at Like Mother, Like Daughter today. It is a favorite blog of mine and is on my sidebar. Leila is a homeschooling mother of eight (she has launched 7) with practical, real advice.

Welcome to any visitors from Like Mother, Like Daughter and to all who stop by today. Thanks for reading.

The link-up is suppose to be more pictures of happy, pretty, funny, real and not necessarily words. But, we don't have a digital camera so time sensitive photos that tie-in into my blog posts just can't happen easily. But I thought that this story would tie into being real and funny. I did add a picture of the azaleas in our front yard from last spring. But that same bush is blooming right now!

I hope you enjoy linking up and enjoying other stories of pretty, happy, funny, real. Come and join us!

Also linking up with the Coffee Company girls at Home Sanctuary. I truly enjoy the camaraderie from this group!

* * * *

And to tie back into my blog post:

How about you? Do you have any tips from the trenches of life?

Enough?

Is it enough? I keep asking this question.

When I asked it aloud to two of my Teacher Lounge friends, one of them asked, "What else do you think you should be doing?"

What a clarifying moment!


I don't want to do more. I am tired as it is. The to-do list is over-whelming at least it is when I dare to look at it. Most folks I know feel the same way -- busy and tired. Our 21st century American culture breeds stress. I'm not unique in this. But what is it that I'm really trying to ask?

I didn't know. The question kept creeping back in even after the clarifying moment.

"Am I doing enough?"

Most of it comes from homeschooling. Are we doing enough math? English? science? history? Art? Phy Ed?



I needed a better question. A better question will lead to a better answer. I disagree with the adage that there are no bad questions. There are better questions than others.

I remind my children of this often. When I hear from them, I want to know that they have thought about what they need. They need to come up with some possible solutions before they ask me instead of simply relying on me to guide them in everything. I want them to think.


I needed to think. If I am not doing enough, than my solution will be to do more. My time is limited. I can only do so much. I don't want to do more.

So a better question would be: Am I doing the right things? Am I doing the best things with the time that I have?

This leads to other questions, especially in light of homeschooling. What skills do they need to have? Can I assess their math and English skills and make sure that they are at grade level? What skills do they need to be successful adults? What kind of character traits are we building? Am I focusing the bulk of our time on the really important stuff?


One good question has lead me to more questions that help me to make decisions.

The accusatory "Am I doing enough?" question only seemed to stir up the guilt of falling short.

I like this new angle better. "Am I doing the right things?"

Though I don't really have any more answers than when I started (I actually have more questions now!), I am on a more peaceful path. It is a better path because it's headed in a more acheivable direction.

I would love to hear your insight. Have you had a clarifying moment lately? Have you asked a better question? What are some of the guiding principles you apply in your family to decide what activities to participate in or not?

I am linking up with Company Coffee today, join us in the conversation.

Erase the Inward Groan or Enjoy Reading to your Preschoolers

Welcome to anyone who has come to visit from Jamie's Avant Garde Parent blog. I'm glad you're here.

I love to read to my children. Reading aloud is an important and a large component of our homeschooling days. Today I have written a guest post about the key element of loving to read to our children with no inward groan at Avant Garde Parenting. Check it out here.


If you went and read that post, you will appreciate that I read Big Red Barn last night to all four of the children. Usually daddy gets the evening read aloud slot, but he was on a deadline to finish a project. So I had that privilege. My oldest said, "I remember when you read that book all the time. And you could say it by memory. " And then the best part was that he said, "I love that book."

I replied, "Me, too."

So we read Big Red Barn, which they helped me quote when I paused. Then we read Go, Dog, Go by P.D. Eastman. (Another book we read a lot in the days after clearing off the book shelf.) Then we dove into the big chapter book that needs discussion for the older three to understand it all.


With the way all of the children looked at the pictures and enjoyed the books, it shows that one is never too old for good quality children's literature.

And thank you my friend Kristi for nominating me as Parent of the Week and thank you Jamie for inviting me to your blog.

p.s. For those that visit the guest post, the wise tip came from Carole Joy Seid the first time I went to one of her seminars.

A Mark on the Door

I have tucked all my children into their beds. There are no cribs here anymore. I threw away the diaper bag more than a year ago. The step-stool by the bathroom sink has been set aside because they can all reach the faucet "flat-footed."

And, now, for the first time I can say, "My youngest is five."

I have had other five-year-olds in my house (three to be exact) but they were never the youngest. There was always a younger sibling. Up until now motherhood for me has been defined by nursing & naps, sippy cups & child's silverware, playgrounds & interrupted conversations.

It didn't really happen in one moment this change from babies to children. They grow gradually. And that is precisely why it is hard to see the growth. So, every once in awhile I back them against the door: heels on the floor, head straight & a pencil line. They step aside. We measure and date the mark and see how much they grew this year.

This turning of five for my last-born is like a mark on the door of my motherhood. One day he was four, and now he is five. Though it didn't happen suddenly, it seems that one minute ago I had babies and now I don't.

I'm not sure how I got here. But I do know that this is the first time in twelve years that I have ever said, "My youngest is five."

Things have changed. And I'm stopping to notice this mark on the door of my heart.

Cheery thoughts on a rainy day

Spring flower offerings from my lovely offspring.

Encouragement comes from unexpected places at times. A few days ago I read these lines:

Mrs. Kelly was stout and gentle. She was like a large anxious dove. She was different from Betsy's mother who was slim and red-headed and gay. Betsy's mother knew how to scold as well as to laugh and sing. But Tacy's mother never scolded.

from Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace

These matter of fact descriptions about two different mothers cheered my heart about my own mothering. Good mothers come in different shapes and sizes. They look different. Some are gentle, anxious, non-scolding mothers. And some scold but also laugh and sing.

I asked my daughter which mother I was like and she said Betsy's mother. And it helped me embrace some of my mothering strengths -- laughing and singing. And not to stress so much about the scolding that I do. I prefer not to scold and am working on that. But it doesn't negate the strengths.

I thought what cheered me may cheer some of you. Enjoy!

Joyfully,
Kathleen

This must decrease , so that That can increase

Build relationships over the phone or in person. Use the computer to transmit information. Spend more time outside. These are some of the nuggets I've been pondering due to at least two women: Rachelle Gardner's post about her vacation and Elizabeth Foss' post that answered a question about Time Spent Online over here.

These posts resonated deeply within me and also the Carole Joy Seid conference that I attended two weeks ago. They have helped me to consider what I really want to be about. I've been thinking about how much time I really want to spend blogging. I've aspired to post 4-5 times per week. But that has never even remotely happened.

I thought creating a blog would help me write more often. Perhaps it has on occasion. But I'm not truly focusing on writing, which is a desire. At times, the computer seems to be a greater distraction to writing (there are so many cool things to read & look at here on this world wide web!) than a help.

And so as I consider how to spend more time with these guys:

...and manage time at the computer, I'll be posting less than I was.

I know, I know it is hard to imagine even less postings from me OR spending more time with the children that I home school... . Nevertheless, I want to officially declare to the blog world that is is my plan to decrease my amount of entries. It is intentional to do less and yet not eliminate it entirely.

If you know me, call me and let's do coffee. Or come & over and we'll linger & laugh over a meal. And then just maybe, I'll post your picture here (as long as that's okay with you). Less time on the computer, more time face to face.

Joyfully,
Kathleen

p. s. The flowers are all from our yard and are pictures taken by me.

Change really DOES happen

It is me -- the one who used to flop on the couch after work & think..."oh, what we will have for dinner?" and fall asleep. My new (at the time) husband would come home from work and find me there. Every day. "Do you take a nap every day?" We would deliberate about what to eat for dinner. There's nothing in the cupboard to make & it would take too long. After a l o o o n g time, we would often drive off to get something to eat.

Now, look, I make menu plans and actually assign what we'll eat to SPECIFIC days, such as Tacos on Tuesday. Yes, me? Can you believe it? Yes, I Miss-creative-non-domesticated-this is TOO-HARD-for-me-I-would-rather-nap-on-the-couch-Woman -- have been writing down a weekly meal plan for over a year now.... and I LOVE it ?!? And the weeks I don't have a plan. I miss my plan. It is CRAZY actually.

But it gives me hope. Hope that I can keep on changing in other areas, too.

Over the course of years (I have been married 17 years now, you know), I moved from no plan at all. To going grocery shopping every other week. To following the detailed once-a-month cookbook plan. To having on-hand ingredients to make specific meals (and still retaining that freedom, oh that delicious freedom, of deciding each day WHAT I would feel like eating because, come on now, I mean, how could I possibly know in advance that I would want Tacos on Tuesday and not Porkchop Romance? Ridiculous! I needed food freedom.) To... finally.... making a Weekly Meal Plan.

How did this free-flowing mama get from not wanting to assign food to a particular day to feeling giddy about the return of my Weekly Meal Plan?

What happened? (I mean, besides the embracing of life's duties as not-so-bad, gaining skills, and growing up into the responsible human being my parents trained me to be? Well...in addition to all that...) I read this:

"In many ways, a schedule can relieve stress from your life. When tasks become routine, they require much less physical and emotional energy. A normal day is easier to get through without having to make numerous draining decisions"...from The Managers of Their Homes by Steven and Teri Maxwell

And so it began: The beginning of The Weekly Menu Plan in an effort for less draining decisions in my day. (Click on the Grocery Cart Challenge for more inspiration. I use her menu plan template.) At first, I had to MAKE myself follow my own decisions. (Silly but true.) That first week, we ate dinner late a lot of nights (which isn't terribly unusual for us but it was still later than normal). But I stuck with it for several months. No grocery shopping until I had made The Plan.

And you know what I found? That the Food Freedom that I tenaciously clung to was NOT worth the Free Brain Space. It's rather remarkable how much time was taken up thinking: "What's for dinner? What will the children not complain about? What is in the cupboard? What would I like to have? What would hubby like? Do I have all the ingredients? Do I have enough time to make that?"

Now I have more space in my brain to make decisions about other equally important all-consuming things. . . like. . . what are we going to do today?

Those pesky little --- I mean BIG -- feelings just need to be ignored sometimes and duty embraced. And I will gain skill. And I will change...one little baby step at a time...over the course of many years. Change really DOES happen sometimes so there is hope for those other bad habits!

Oh, and for the curious, here is my After A Long Hiatus ((because I was in Minnesota for 3 weeks in May and hauling a piano to our house (which is now updated with a photo), among other things lately) Weekly Menu Plan:

Monday: Broccoli pasta (originally found through the Grocery Cart Challenge website)

Tuesday: Sausage & wild rice casserole (my own original recipe inspired from MN-made ingredients)

Wednesday: Grilled cheese sandwiches & Parmesan garlic broccoli, carrots & cauliflower bake

Thursday: Cold tuna pasta & bread (church has been giving away lots of yummy bread)

Friday: Pancakes & eggs (I'm off to dinner with some friends that night & this is a great meal for hubby & kids to make.)

Really, that wasn't so hard, was it? Sigh. So perhaps the other things won't be so hard, either!

Are there long-term changes you have seen in your life?

Kathleen