For many years, duty demanded that I get up. The alarm went off. I went through the motions and then I took off for the day. Then, the days of little ones surrounded me. Their hungry bellies compelled me to get up and feed them.
But, I have always delighted in the night time hours -- anytime after 9 p.m. During high school, I stayed up late reading. Then came college when I stayed up late talking & talking & talking. Most of my closest friends in college were made during those late night talks.
Over the years of parenting, I have realized that my late night tendencies and my Morning avoidance were a detriment to mothering well. So there has been a lot of angst and push and pull to get up earlier.
There have been bouts of pushing myself to get up earlier, no matter what. I just need to do this. But, after a couple of months of getting up earlier and only rarely going to bed earlier, I would crash and burn, usually punctuated by sickness.
I would feel so much guilt. I began to set up Morning (as in getting-up-early-in-the-morning) as an idol, a cure-all for all of my failings & down-falls. There was too much pressure on Morning to deliver me from all of my short-comings.
Most of the time, I would get rolling slowly in the morning. When the expectations of the day and the reality of the day would come crashing in on me, I would feel guilty for sleeping in. I would lose my temper easily with my children.
Resolved to do better, I would get up early the next day. And lo, and behold, I was still be quick to lose my temper with my children.
Getting up early didn't solve all my problems!
I was in a lose-lose situation.
I had to get out of thinking that Morning would save me. No, Jesus saved me. Getting up early in the morning would not solve all my problems.
So, oddly enough, the first real step in becoming true friends with Morning was avoiding her, ignoring her. Don't look at the clock. Just get up and do your routine. No pressure.
Then, as time went on. I saw the need to get going earlier. The need to lead the children. When I went to bed earlier, sometimes I awoke on my own. Most of the time, I don't.
Finally, Morning and I have made peace.
I am not seeking to save my soul (or my parenting) via Morning. I don't hate Morning anymore. I have even liked Mornings on certain days!
What a shocking thing to say! What? Me, the night owl? Known for keeping crazy, late hours? How could I like Morning!?! (It was just as shocking for me to say: I like cooking but that is another story related to the one HERE.)
Morning and I now have a few wonderful shared moments together. Not a lot. But a few. And I found out that I like her!
This, this Morning that I have hated so long. I like her. She forgives me when I stay away for days and days. Just as happy to see me as if I had been there every day.
She is nice like that.
What does this look like? Probably on the outside about the same as it did before. Some days I get up and get going. Some days I snooze the alarm again and again. There are days I have even slept through my alarm. But, occasionally I wake before the alarm and have a beautiful time with Morning.
I have made peace with Morning.
We're in the early stages of building a friendship. I don't know that Morning & I will ever be kindred spirits. But at least we are becoming friends. And I think I like it.
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How about you? Are you friends with Morning?