Sunday, April 3, 2011

My new friend, Morning

I am becoming friends with Morning. There was a time when we were enemies.

For many years, duty demanded that I get up. The alarm went off. I went through the motions and then I took off for the day. Then, the days of little ones surrounded me. Their hungry bellies compelled me to get up and feed them.

But, I have always delighted in the night time hours -- anytime after 9 p.m. During high school, I stayed up late reading. Then came college when I stayed up late talking & talking & talking. Most of my closest friends in college were made during those late night talks.

Over the years of parenting, I have realized that my late night tendencies and my Morning avoidance were a detriment to mothering well. So there has been a lot of angst and push and pull to get up earlier.

There have been bouts of pushing myself to get up earlier, no matter what. I just need to do this. But, after a couple of months of getting up earlier and only rarely going to bed earlier, I would crash and burn, usually punctuated by sickness.

I would feel so much guilt. I began to set up Morning (as in getting-up-early-in-the-morning) as an idol, a cure-all for all of my failings & down-falls. There was too much pressure on Morning to deliver me from all of my short-comings.

Most of the time, I would get rolling slowly in the morning. When the expectations of the day and the reality of the day would come crashing in on me, I would feel guilty for sleeping in. I would lose my temper easily with my children.

Resolved to do better, I would get up early the next day. And lo, and behold, I was still be quick to lose my temper with my children.

Getting up early didn't solve all my problems!

I was in a lose-lose situation.

I had to get out of thinking that Morning would save me. No, Jesus saved me. Getting up early in the morning would not solve all my problems.

So, oddly enough, the first real step in becoming true friends with Morning was avoiding her, ignoring her. Don't look at the clock. Just get up and do your routine. No pressure.

Then, as time went on. I saw the need to get going earlier. The need to lead the children. When I went to bed earlier, sometimes I awoke on my own. Most of the time, I don't.

Finally, Morning and I have made peace.

I am not seeking to save my soul (or my parenting) via Morning. I don't hate Morning anymore. I have even liked Mornings on certain days!

What a shocking thing to say! What? Me, the night owl? Known for keeping crazy, late hours? How could I like Morning!?! (It was just as shocking for me to say: I like cooking but that is another story related to the one HERE.)

Morning and I now have a few wonderful shared moments together. Not a lot. But a few. And I found out that I like her!

This, this Morning that I have hated so long. I like her. She forgives me when I stay away for days and days. Just as happy to see me as if I had been there every day.

She is nice like that.

What does this look like? Probably on the outside about the same as it did before. Some days I get up and get going. Some days I snooze the alarm again and again. There are days I have even slept through my alarm. But, occasionally I wake before the alarm and have a beautiful time with Morning.

I have made peace with Morning.

We're in the early stages of building a friendship. I don't know that Morning & I will ever be kindred spirits. But at least we are becoming friends. And I think I like it.


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How about you? Are you friends with Morning?

9 comments:

  1. I love this post. How often I think the wrong thing is going to save me.

    I am a morning person who likes to go to bed at 10 every night :).

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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  2. No, I am not a morning person and through this post I think that I have some similar unfair expectations of Mornings as well.

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  3. I love my morning time and I have missed it of late. Too many busy days and nights feeding the baby have caused my internal alarm clock to get a little off. I really do miss it when I don't have that pre-munchkin time to get my mind wrapped around the day. : )

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  4. I think that I'm kind of a middle of the road sort (not too late, not too early). But, I definitely need time up after the kids go to bed, and time up before the kids are awake.

    You always have such a wonderful way of expressing things. I enjoy reading your blog.

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  5. I love my mornings! Working overnights, morning is my bedtime. I get home, see the kids off to school turn on the electric blanket, drag the cats into bed with me, find a good book and drift off to sleep.

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  6. Wait.... Who are you? And what have you done with Kathleen?!

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  7. Actually, although not a Morning Person by nature, I have grown to enjoy being up before the chaos ensues...

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  8. I love your blog so much.I love reading it (p.s. I love u more)

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  9. I admit, I am a morning person. I find that the days I get up an hour or so before the boys and slurp down my first cup of coffee, I am much better able to manage the chaos. You are right though -- a key component is getting to bed early enough...and that's where I've gone wrong these last few days.

    Thanks for stopping by Graceful...it's lovely to meet you here!

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Thanks for being part of the conversation...I love hearing from you. Kathleen

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