5 pieces of advice for a mother-to-be

A diaper cake created by my lovely daughters Sophie & Meagan.

Over the weekend, I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend and I've been thinking about words of wisdom that I would give to this new momma-to-be. Oh, there are lots of particulars that I remember having to learn. Such as which foods to feed when and such.And I don't remember those particulars anymore (even though my youngest is only 6).But these are some  principles that I gleaned along the way. I'm sure I've only scratched the surface. But here goes:


Peek at your children every night when they are asleep.
Look at that beautiful, sleeping face that you love without smudges, tears, or temper tantrums and fall back in-love with your baby. The harder the day; the more crucial it is to peek at them.

"Are you peeking again?" My husband would say, as he climbed out of bed to join me in my nightly ritual. Soon enough, he was as addicted to peeking as I was.

Hmmmm. It has been awhile since I've peeked at the children. Perhaps it's time to begin again. Or perhaps it's because they often go to bed just before me and are not yet asleep. Our stage has changed which leads us to the next tip:

Embrace the stage
Each stage of mothering has its challenges...and its joys. When they are newborns, they interrupt your sleep. A. Lot.  But they also fall asleep in your arms. They cry but smile only at you. Toddlers challenge your directions but they are fascinated with discoveries. Dandelions become wishing flowers. They are seeing the world for the first time, reminding us adults of fascinating discoveries we've forgotten long ago.

When the interrupted sleep and the seemingly constant challenges to our authority tempts us to wish they were older OR were already potty-trained. Remember, that we are also wishing away the cute hugs and kisses, how easy they are to hold or whatever the treasure of that stage is.

Embrace each stage with its challenges and joys.

Do what works.
Yes, seek wisdom. Read some books, ask some questions of mom peers and older-than-you moms. But in the end...do what works. Which really means: gain confidence in your own motherly insight.

Even the first time they hand a crying baby to you over the very experienced moms in the room because you're the mom and you don't have as much mothering experience. Even then you're the expert because you're the mom of this baby and you love that baby in a way no one else does.

That love goes a long way.

I gleaned this hint of Do What Works just a day  into the new motherhood journey. In the hospital, struggling to nurse my newborn. The night nurse handed me a nursing shield. I didn't want to use it because all of the expert books said that this would confuse the baby and hinder his bonding process.

In the middle of the night, the nurse gently said, "You do what works." I used the shield. The baby & I both calmed down as he nourished his hungry, growing body. Even though I worried about what I was doing. If it was right or wrong. In the end it worked. My baby grew.

And as I grew in my motherly confidence, I realized that what works in your home looks a lot different from the books or how someone explains it to you. So if it is working, don't worry. Embrace it. Be thankful that it's working. Because there are certainly times when nothing works.

And for those times, remember this: 

When all else fails, send them to bed.
My mother in law told me this. So when "do what works" isn't working. Send them to bed. Turns out that this philosophy works well for toddlers, teenagers, and moms, too!.

Many times when I am in the kitchen prepping the next meal and the kids are fussing and I can barely think, then "when all else fails, send them to bed" floats into my mind.

Sometimes this means picking them up and setting them in their cribs. Sometimes it means they will walk to their beds and climb in with little or no fuss. Sometimes they won't go... and well that's another  story. But if they will go I highly recommend this practice.

Some quiet moments on the bed gives a needed break from each other's expectations. We need a place to be quiet, to think, pray, read, or sleep by ourselves without a screen to amuse us. This is a learned skill. And an important one at that because it refreshes the soul.

But do remember that not all things are solved during a 30 minute nap so hear this:

It takes time.
My mother-in-law said this when I was lamenting about how long it was taking to potty-train my first child. She said, "It takes time." In our high pressure culture to do, to see, to conquer. It's hard to slow down and take the time.

But that is what the children need. Time. It takes time to comb the tangles out. It takes time to learn how to use a toilet after years of never having used one.It takes time to walk from here to there.

This is an overarching principle:. It takes time. It takes time for a baby to become an adult. If it was quick and easy, we would be like the animals who send their children off in a year's time. But we don't. We have a much longer learning curve than that.

Our lives are in process. We all need time. Time to be who we are created to be. Parenting takes time. And in this culture where time is almost as precious as money and fame, it is a self-sacrificing place to take the time to walk as slow as a toddler needs.

To take the time to teach and to train instead of fussing at them for things they couldn't possibly know. It takes time to embrace the moment. Time to find what works and to do it. Time to send them to bed and take a break to breathe. Time to peek at them.

Take the time. Because before you know it seven minutes will have gone by and they'll be gone.

  * * *

What would you add?  What are some principles of parenting that you have gleaned? 

Linking with Jen at SDG sisters, click HERE for more inspiration.

On tears

The pages are wrinkled
In that spot

In that spot where
The tears that have fallen
So many times

Were they the tears during the hardest nine months?
Were they the tears for the one we lost?
Were they the tears from the lonely nights?
Tears from the times I'd blown it again?
Were they the tears from the years we ached for children?
Were they  the tears of sadness for my sister, her husband, and daughter
Who lost him to a battle of cancer

Are they for the child who wishes he knew
Where his mother was when he woke up

I opened the book
My eyes saw it again
The wrinkled spot on the page

In that wrinkled spot
It is...written

He hears my cry
He counts my tears
And captures them in a bottle
Mourning may last for the night
But a shout of joy comes in the morning

And so I wait for the morning

With my tears
And the pages
Written by my God

Who will rescue us from here.
One day.
And wipe away those tears
One
Last
Time
* * *
Linking with Jen and with Emily.

How a Six-Year-Old Can Change your Perspective

Sometimes it is all about perspective. Is it a weed that makes the neighbors disdain your yard or is it a wishing flower? It depends if it's the perspective of a retired neighbor or a six-year old child.

I have loved this current batch of pictures from my six year old. How often do I miss the nuance of light casting shadows of me? Almost all of the time. But he saw this, captured it. A piece of him. A moment in time. He captured my heart because he captured  a piece of himself.

How often do I miss these memories-- these gifts of love --  in the cozy corner of my bedroom? Even though most of the time, I see these flowers in a can as a mere dust collector, the sentimental pack-rat that I am can't throw it away.

Am I taking the time to see the  reminders of the people who love me: my first-born son so creative making duct tape flowers, a flower hair-clip from good friends at a surprise anniversary celebration while we were camping, plastic flowers from a child to a mommy who loves flowers.

My choice? To see a crowded shelf that doesn't get dusted or a shelf full of memories of people who know me and know that I love flowers.

Sometimes I need to look up. My perspective would change by looking up. If it was me, I would never have looked up & taken a picture. I don't like these lights. To me they symbolize the many things that I wish I would change in my house. Ahhh.

But my six-year-old son looks up and takes a picture. And I like it. It looks cool and artsy. Sometimes looking up changes everything.

Perhaps one day I will ride carefree in a red convertible like this!

A six-year-old taking pictures on my camera caused me to look at the everyday things around me and put a new perspective on them.  

What about you? Has anything caused you to look at things differently?

What we did last weekend

We needed to work. We didn't really feel like working. So we wore hats.

On Saturday morning, I awoke to a hubby who had mapped out our upcoming days. We've been so busy, we've barely had a moment to talk. Our children love to tell us stories & show us things, which is delightful. But it also makes it very difficult to have a conversation, much less plan. So the hubby had the brilliant idea to make sure the kids each had something to do. Then, he taped off the area with a reminder not to disturb us.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it is just a simple sign that works. Our oldest thought we were quite silly and had to take pictures. What he didn't know is that he read my mind. I had wanted pictures taken and he took care of that without being asked.

Does this happen at your house? The ranch dressing fell out of the fridge onto the floor. The youngest rushed to put cones around the scene of the accident.

Last weekend was really quite ordinary. Yet, when we added some hats and construction cones, it spiced things up a bit. It was almost like underscoring our lives with music as if we were in a movie. Almost. I did say almost.

What's up with your weekend -- either last weekend or this one? What will be underscoring your weekend? Spills and plans? Hats and cones?

Here's hoping you have a good one.

When red becomes your blue

Who knew that  a pot of flowers could be so persuasive?

Usually my favorite color is blue. Me, the one who hails from the land of 10,000 lakes, am in love with the many nuances of water. Therefore, my favorite color is blue. 

But not this summer.

This summer, my favorite color is red. 

It's not that I don't like red. I just love blue, yellow, and purple so much more. Usually.  But not right now. 

Red petunias chosen and planted by Grandma and the kids while I was away tending to the needs of other children are half the reason red is my favorite color this season.

I wouldn't have picked them. And, truth be told, I later went and picked purple and white petunias. To add to the red flowers. 

The Chosen By Others Flowers (or the red petunias) are growing abundantly on the front porch, back porch, and at the side of our house. They have continued to flourish in spite of 100 degree days. (We did water in healthy amounts!)

Not so the purple and white petunias I picked. We watered them the same, so perhaps it was the squirrels that destroyed them with their nut plantings. Either way, only the red survive.

 

Flowers I didn't choose have made me happy and thankful. I am also happy and thankful for the two new lawn chairs in the backyard. I did pick those. But not the color. Because, they are, you guessed it -- red.

Remember, I love blue, not red. You see, I was waiting for the blue chairs to go on sale. While I waited, all the black ones sold out except one. But I wanted two. The blue chairs were not yet on sale with only a few red ones left. I had to buy the red ones or perhaps forgo getting any this season. 

So I did. 

I bought two red lawn chairs. 

Yep. Red. A color I wouldn't normally pick. Yet, they look perfect on our back porch. See: 

 .

Not only did I have two new lawn chairs. I had a new favorite color of the season -- red

Who knew? Who knew that this season red would be my favorite color? I had no idea and this just falls in line with my year so far, except in a much more delightful way. 

This year has been filled with surprises that I did not expect, much less plan. First, a twisted knee that required crutches, help, and physical therapy for several months. Next, there were the children God sent to live with us for three weeks and nine weeks, even though we weren't registered foster parents or relatives.

 

Proverbs 16:9 says 

(as my friend Steph reminded me)

 "A man's heart plans his ways, But the Lord directs His steps."

I have made plans. God has directed my steps. This year I have been able to see it more clearly than usual.  

And sometimes, God even directs your steps and your favorite color choice. 

* * *

How about you? 

Have you been delighted by any twists and turns in your life lately?

 Linking with Jen and Rachel.

Camp, Glorious Camp

I just love camp!

And it turns out the my children do too.

 But, why oh why, would this night owl love camp when it means I need to be in the kitchen by 6:30 a.m. cooking breakfast for 150 with two other cooks (one of whom is the head cook; I only assist.)? We work until 7 p.m. with a quick morning break, a lingering meal (after others have been served), and a two-hour break in the afternoon. Who signs up for this and likes it? Me! (And the others I was working with.)

This is not the lodge, nor the camper's lodgings.

To work alongside a group of people who all want to be there is encouraging. To mix up some muffins, cut fruit, bake cookies, and simmer some spaghetti sauce for the cause of Christ.Whatever you do, you can do it all for the glory of God.

In a rare find, I am the youngest and the tallest (I'm in the middle in purple.)

 To be around other believers all day. Coming back each year to see these women who I see once a year at camp is so fun, reminds of my camper/counseling days to have camp friends again. But now, we share bigger issues that we've been through -- job loss, losing the farm, losing a parent and a brother-in-law, children that we desire to see grow, becoming a grandma, watching our parents get older. Different issues. Same God. It is encouraging to see others still growing in Christ. I have seen the other women once a year for this week at camp. But this being the third year, we are talking about what the Lord has been doing in our lives the past three years.

Mixing up the yummy cheese muffins.

 I will also tell you this. There is something about having meaningful work. To work with our hands. These cheese muffins that one of the other chefs made were homemade, from scratch, and were just delicious. She even brought the recipe home.

It really is a gift to have meaningful work to do.

That people appreciate and need -- food!

It is also about seeing the body of Christ in action. It took us all day to fix three meals for all those people. I find it fascinating to learn how to cook in a commercial kitchen and to get big batches ready and hot all the same time for everyone.

We would hear of the maintenance's call to unclog the bathrooms. We would say to them, wow, you have a hard job. And they would shrug their shoulders and say it is not that bad. They enjoyed working shoulder-to-shoulder with their team. They also get to mow, to fill water balloons, and to participate in a Bible study and hang with their friends.

Others would look at us and say, you have a hard job. I would shrug my shoulders and say. "It's not that bad." And certainly not as hard as washing pots and pans!

Each cog in the wheel. In its own place doing their own job made the wheels run around. The directors directing. The teachers teaching. The cabin counselors leading their campers, being mom & dad for a week. Being fun, listening, leading devotions, swimming in the pool and being dunked, leading activities. I look at them and think they have a hard job, especially sleeping in un-air-conditioned buildings for a week at a time. All summer long for some of them.

But each of us loves our job. I loved being a cabin counselor when I was in high-school and college. It would be a bit harder for me now.

And the really cool thing about having high school students and college students leading the kids, is that the kids see that following their faith, and being in love with Jesus isn't just reserved for the adults. It is for anybody. It is for these fun, cool people who lead music and tell lame jokes (and occasionally a good one) People who will play Ga-Ga ball with them, and make them sing for a package. These people who will stay behind and take you to the nurse. Who will listen to you cry when your dad has lost his job and your uncle died a couple months ago. Who will reassure you about your faith in Christ. Who will rejoice with you when you shot the arrow onto the target for the first time today. Who will talk with you about that day's chapel lesson. Who will spray shaving cream on their head and let people throw cheese puffs at them.

These people love the Lord. And the kids can think, "And they're just like me. They're just a little bit older than me. How cool for the Cool People to be loving the Lord."

Each cog in the wheel. Doing their part. Each of us waking up early. Sleeping soundly at night (unless of course a thunderstorm is crashing through your special tenting night.). It is the body of Christ. Encouragaing one another. Working through conflict. Loving the Lord. Having meaningful work.

Did you ever consider this as part of your meaningful work?

I am so glad to be able to be a part of it. Even if it means a very grumpy week this week as we all re-acclimate to home life with each other (or re-entry as my friends & I call it.)

It is worth it!


I just love camp! And it turns out that my kids do, too.

* * *

So that's what we've been doing this July. How about you? Is there some meaningful work in your life that surprises you how much you like it? Even if it means a week of the grumpies -- or some equivalent cost --around your place?

Love, Kathleen

Linking up with Jen.

19 Reasons I Love My Husband on Our 19th Anniversary

Celebrating our 19th anniversary in Pensacola, FL

Five days and nineteen years ago, my husband and I pledged our lives, our love, and honor to one another. In celebration of this momentous occasion, I have penned nineteen reasons that I love him.

 19. His penchant for hats.

Easter Sunday 2012

18. His diligence to look for a job during our Sea of Saturdays (what I termed our season of unemployment because every day felt like a Saturday with Daddy around all of the time). I knew he provided for us faithfully but his perseverance in making cold calls, writing and re-writing his resume,  filling out on-line applications gave me new appreciation for this hat-wearing man.

17. I love his ability to build things. He built a clubhouse for the kids out of a wooden fence that someone had discarded. He bought a box of nails and waa-la we have a clubhouse. He also built a tree house during the Sea of Saturdays.

16. He always wants to sit next to me whether it is at the dinner table, the pew at church, or the couch when we watch a movie. He scoots the kids over to sit next to me. Cherished in the little things I am.

Grizzly Adams with his wife in May 2012 before he shaved.

15. He is a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures. For instance, one of his main hobbies (he says) is growing hair. Look how much fun it can be to grow and shave off. Did you have any idea?

One of the first cuts.

He is just SO Silly!

14. His willing heart (and the kind of jobs he has had)  have allowed him to be available to troubleshoot problems with the kiddos during his work day. This kind of emotional support has been immeasurable to me.

Current Kip.

13. He is generous with his time and money: first with his family (we love vacation daddy!!), his friends, and those in need.

12. He drives 900 miles one way to take all of us to visit my family at least once a year. It's convenient that some of his family now live in the same city but for many years it was a commitment to keep us connected with extended family. It was important to both of us to find someone that fit in well with our family -- we succeeded! We truly enjoy vacationing with family -- what a gift that is.

11. I love how he learned to write cards and notes because it's my love language.

He is not a natural writer. (He is an excellent writer; he just doesn't do it often). When we were dating long-distance back in the day when our long-distance phone bills were costing us an arm and a leg, I would complain of how little he would write, certainly not up to my romantic ideals. He told me then that he had written to me more than anyone else in his life. I had to take it on faith back then but through the years he has written letters and postcards, even on short business trips figuring out how to send letters in advance from our city so that we would have some to open while he was away.

And just the other day -- on a random, ordinary day -- he left a card on the kitchen counter just because! Isn't he wonderful? (Is it getting too sappy yet? Breathe deep we're half-way through the list.)

10. He is an affectionate man, giving hugs and kisses because that's his love language. I have come to love it!

His penchant for hats slipped into his first half-marathon he ran this spring.

9. We love to play games together. The ones we play most often are: Yahtzee, Cribbage and Boggle. (His willingness to play Boggle with me is an act of love.)

8. The secondary love language for both of us is quality time which shows up in game playing, but also in almost daily or should I say --nightly -- talks debriefing about our day. I love it! So often he is ready for the sack but he devotes the time to talk with me. Now that IS true love!

7. I love his musical ability. He sings. He plays guitar. He drums. He breaks out into song often.

6. My planning heart can collide with his sequential "now what's next" ways. The flip side of this is that  he is great at being in this moment, right-now. Good for my soul, that is.

The Us Box in December 2011

5. I love his steady, happy self. He cheers up the household. It has steadied me much to be married to him.

4. I love his love for the Lord. He loves to go to church. He has such a clear idea of principles and just knows the right thing to do.

3. He works the equivalent of two jobs so that I can have the best job ever -- caring for our children and educating them. We have both been committed to that vision from the beginning.

2. He values my opinions, and my decisions. He trusts me. He supports me in so many ways. One of which is symbolized by allowing me to lead a women's Bible study. The kids are older so it doesn't cost quite as much now but he has always allowed me to have a ministry outside of our home.

Can you tell how much we like us by the amount of pix we take together?

1. The best thing that I love about Kip Jaeger is that I have been married to my best friend for 19 years. I have known him for more than half my life. He is the love of my life and my kindred spirit. I am thankful to have had so much time with him. May the Lord give us many more years to share.

How did you spend your Fourth of July? Would you like to count the ways you love your spouse?
Linking with Jen and the SDG sisters.