When time is well spent, miles and years can never really separate what has been deeply intertwined in your heart. Because being together has changed who you are. Not because they changed you but because they gave you the courage to be who you really are. To be vulnerable. You were you. And they were they. And you loved each other. Kindred spirits.
And now it is time to say goodbye. For awhile.
I think sometimes the 'for awhile part' makes people think that the goodbye doesn't hurt as much. But that is not true. The only time goodbye doesn't hurt is when it was time NOT well-spent.
There was a vivid time in my life when goodbye didn't hurt. I was glad to be leaving. I look back on that very difficult year of my life and there is not much redeemable from that time, certainly no relationship or connection from that time.
God profoundly used that time in my life in other ways. But at the end of that school year, goodbye didn't hurt. It was a relief.
It was one of the few times in my life when goodbye didn't hurt. Maybe the only time.
So now I know that I don't really want to feel only relief and gladness to be getting away. Even though I don't want to be feeling this. This heart-wrenching good-bye. Even though I don't want to say goodbye right now, even though I don't want to hurt this way.....it is good.
It is good. Time has been well-spent.
I have been given an amazing gift. As a friend reminded me last night, sometimes we don't know how much the Lord has given until He takes it away.
I knew they were special. I knew that I loved them. But I don't know if I knew what a great, grand gift I had been given in their special friendship throughout the years.
We have stories of rattlesnakes, flat tires, wet camping trips, and shivering trips tubing down a river. We've been at each others weddings and graduations and baby births. We've held each others hands as we've said goodbye to a mom and a dad. We talked and laughed and camped and cried. We've jumped off cliffs. Played cards til the wee hours of the night. Brewed coffee, run races. Watched chickens and flowers grow. We've spun our lives together for more than twenty years. What a gift.
Soon these kindred spirit friends are moving far away -- four thousand miles far away -- for at least three years. I love their courage, their pluck to live their calling.
I am inspired.
My heart is breaking. It feels like it may never recover.
Time has been well-spent. Thank you. Amen.
* * *
How about you? Any painful goodbyes recently?
Click HERE if you would like to comment from email or a facebook link.
Linking with Jen at the Last SDG party.