Remembering the Right Things

Kip & his dad, June 2012

 For the last six months I have been the keeper of medical information for my husband's family. On September 14 my father-in-law had a brain tumor removed from his brain stem. I have been tracking this and other major medical events that then ensued for him. This has been good. It has been needed. For example, going to my father-in-law's primary care physican to recount the history of the last six months. That was good. That was needed.

Kip's dad & Kip's uncle, Nov. 2012

But... have I been as diligent to write down and think about over and over again how the Lord has meet our needs -- my needs -- these past six months?

Am I recalling how we felt compelled to annoint him with oil after hearing a sermon on James 5? And when his pastor was asked, he said, "Yes" and how peace filled the room. How we were all blessed by obeying the Word?

Am I recounting how on a day when all I could think of was how weary I am, that a friend sent a card in the mail with a verse about being weary along with a Starbucks gift-card?

Do I remember how a friend texted me and made herself available to talk on one of those really hard days? I don't remember which one. But it was one of the ones where we thought we were saying goodbye.

Am I remembering how I arrived at home around 1 o'clock in the afternoon with four hungry children, an empty refrigerator, an empty pocket-book, and a friend called wanting to bring us lunch?

Am I remembering how someone brought a pork roast to my house, someone who had recently been in the hospital herself, that she put in our freezer and the very next night I would need food to feed my family and others?

Am I remembering how a child-less couple of 13 years of marriage found out on the day my father-in-law had surgery that they were expecting? She thought something was wrong. Instead, God gave them a baby after thirteen years of waiting. The news delivered to their ears on THE SAME DAY of the original brain surgery. My father-in-law's tenth grandchild would be delivered while he was still in the hospital fighting to breathe.

Am I remembering how a friend planned a birthday dinner when I had no energy to plan a party and she rarely, if ever, plans such things?Am I remembering how friends have said that I could text in the middle of the night? And how comforting it was to have them praying in the middle of the night when the hospital called again with bad news that they intubated him again? And sometimes they had started praying before I had texted?

Am I remembering how a washing machine came to my front door when our washing machine had been broken for over a week? Reminding me that God is seeing all of my needs. He will watch over me and take care of me.

Am I remembering? Not the intubation and the MRSA and the blood clots and the hard decisions but am I remembering His mercy in it all?

Am I remembering the answered prayers of an 11-year-old grand-daughter who wanted to see her grandpa but wasn't allowed in the ICU? She prayed. He was moved to a regular room for two days. She saw him. He told her, "I love you." He moved back to the ICU, one of many set-backs. But she remembers that God answered the cry of her heart, just for her.

Kip's dad or Papa, and Sophie, Feb. 2013

Am I remembering how he was discharged home on a Friday night? This seemed to be bad timing because everything medical was closed for the weekend. But we had nothing on our calendar. We stayed at their house for three days because my husband had a three day weekend. God worked it out so we could spend the whole weekend helping to get things set-up.

How many more details, important God-has-hand in this kind of details, have I forgotten? Let me not forget. Let me recount the many mercies of God. Let me remember how good and kind He is in the midst of sorrow and suffering.

Let me remember. Let me declare all of the ways He has shown His mercy on me. On us.

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Linking with Jen & Emily.

When you need encouragement for the everyday

I have been cocooning lately, wrapped up mostly in my home. Our homeschooling actually reflects that we've been home, which means better school days.

I'm thankful for these slow days. It means it's been awhile since the last crisis. I think February was void of them. How nice. Except that I've forgotten how to function without crisis after the 'year of nutzo on steroids." (Which was 2012). I keep thinking, "This shouldn't be that hard."  And yet these normal gray February days have been hard.

I'm thankful to be running again after a one-year hiatus. Last year at this time I wasn't running. I was learning to walk without a limp due to tearing the MCL in my left knee. It is sweet to be able to train with my 13-year-old daughter for a half-marathon especially because I had to drop-out of training with my then thirteen-year-old son.

I'm thankful to be able to move. I'm thankful to train again for a half-marathon with one of my children. And I'm thankful that we have felt the need to train because of these hard, gray February --and now March-- days. The running has helped ward off the blues.

And the whisper in my ear has also helped. The whisper of the small, still voice inside of me that has reminded me that I need Him on all kinds of days. Not just crisis days. But also ordinary, every-day days. I need Him all of the time even when I think I should be able to do this in my own strength.

"..apart from me you can do nothing..." John 15:5 NIV

He didn't just mean that I could only do bigger-than-me tasks -- like take in four extra kids on a moment's notice. He means that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

It is okay that I need Him to do the every day small tasks. I am learning to be content with that. I am learning again how to walk with Him in the everyday.

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Here are some other voices that have encouraged me lately:

Edie's words in her blog at Life in Gracetoday, that are also in her e-book, about raising gracious kids just really tugged at my heart today. Read it here

I needed to hear Elizabeth's voice on treating herself more compassionately, too. I could relate all too well. Read about that here.

Also linking with Michelle and Emily today.

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 Have you been in need of encouragement lately? 

Where have you been finding it? 

The End of An Era

Tubing this past summer, one of the van's last great adventures.

The Era of  the Big Purple Jaeger Adventure Van  has officially ended.  Did you feel the world shift a bit last week when we finally sold our 12 passenger  van?

Now that I am no longer driving my living-room around town can you even recognize me? I'm in a normal, everyday, same as everyone else mini-van. Look for the curly hair. But wait, my friend, who also has curly hair and who looks more like my sister than my sisters, has the exact same car (except for the big dent in her hood, but that's another story.) So you might have to call me on my cell phone to know if it's me. I do have one now that everyone else has a smart phone. Don't worry. I'm catching up but I'm not passing anyone on the road to technology.

In honor of this passing era, I am hosting a guest blogger, my oldest daughter, Sophie. Here are her words about the van.

An Ode to the Brown Purple Van

We have had the purple van as long as I can remember. It has driven us to many, many places: the park, Baskin Robbins, Minnesota, more than I could list. We have dirtied it and cleaned it again, scraped ice off its windows, and sprayed it clean on hot summer days.

It is big enough to give our friends rides. The Moodys, the Haleys and the Jaeger cousins are only a few that have adventured in our egg plant colored car. Songs have been sung, stories made up, jokes cracked, pictures drawn, games played, and lots and lots of talking and chatter in that van. It has carried baseball, basketball, and soccer players, been muddied by laughing tubers and singing waterfall visitors. It has visited warm beaches, snowy roads, orange pumpkins and a hot day at a giant tree house. It has carried us well and been trustworthy.

We love it.

Big purple van:
I salute you.

Sophie

Our last moments quite literally in the van as the buyers walked up during this photo!

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How about you? Have you had any shifts in your demographics lately?

What we've been up to this weekend

The kids and I made a welcome banner when we heard Papa might be coming home. I did the lettering. The four kids painted the banner.  It sure was touch-n-go even on that day. At least three, if not more, times we heard that he's not coming home. He arrived around 9 o'clock on Friday night. We have all learned a lot about hospitals, doctors, nurses, and medical procedures these past four months. We are still learning. Now, it is about home health care and how to nurse our loved one back to full health. We are so thankful that he's alive and now even closer to us.

Meagan waits with Grandma after a stressful day of waiting. Transitions and beginnings are so hard. We were glad that he was coming home but there was a lot to coordinate to get him here, which mostly other people do. We had to wait and wait. And sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

T

In his bed, Grandpa made it! After four long months in the hospital, he finally made it home. One third of a year he has spent away from home, including three hospitals and a nursing facility. As Sophie said, "The last time I roller-bladed at his house, I was in shorts. Now it's chilly. It made me realize how long he has been in the hospital." It has been so nice to have him around this weekend as we learn how to do tube feedings, nebulizer treatments, and help him walk and other various duties. We can let him nap while we play a game or do a craft. He is always around us when he is awake. So nice for him and for us.

I love this shot of Papa being wheeled into the house. You can see his name blurred in the background. He has an amazing amount of determination and courage. I have learned a lot by watching him these past four months. I have learned about living a life of no debts, especially relationally. He has lived a life of integrity, a life of faith. He has walked the path of submission. One cannot always see the most valuable things easily.

In the middle of the weekend, Grandma taught the grandkids how to make Kringla, one of my very favorite desserts that she makes. They are baking as I type. Yum. Yum. They will soon be gone.

The kids have made Kringla, duct tape wallets, played lots of games with Aunt Kay, and rollerbladed. This is much nicer than hanging out in hospital waiting rooms for them. I imagine we'll be having more school days over here in the future to provide support for Grandma as she nurses Grandpa back to health.

Some napping has also been in order this weekend. Kip grabs a bit of shut-eye on the front porch in the amazingly nice weather. We have all had a lot of information to absorb about when and how to administer medicine and coordinate supplies coming to the house. Much to learn. Much to do. Plus, Kip has been night duty, sleeping near Grandpa.

A beautiful weekend. So thankful for so many things, especially loving family that supports one another. Linking with the Company Coffee girls. Join us for a chat if you like.

Engaged: In the Middle of the House

Engaged is my word for 2013. I haven't done the One Word theme before. Prior to this year, I haven't been able to come up with One Word to focus upon but now every time I see a One Word blog post I think, "Engaged, that's my word for the year."

Engaged with These Faces in 2013

No matter the challenges that  2013 brings, I want to be intentionally Engaged with my children and my husband. I don't want them to only get the left-overs. I want them to get my Firsts. My intentions. My best.

They have not gotten the lion's share of me in 2012. Some of that is okay. Some of that is the circumstances that we were called to as a family: foster care and then Papa Care when he went into the hospital. But some of it wasn't okay.

For when I found myself with a breather or with down-time, I was off by myself with the door closed to my bedroom or staring at a computer screen. I didn't want one more person demanding something from me or asking me to give something. But when I go off by myself  in this house full of children, I have chosen not to build into the most precious of relationships: my children and my husband. When I give to them, I do not lose, I gain.

I only have four and a half years before the oldest graduates from high-school and the two girls are right behind him. Soon it will be a whirl-wind of activity as we send them off to their own lives and to make their own way in this world. In the meantime, I don't want to lose any opportunities to play a card game, to listen to a story, to give a hug, or to simply just be near them.

They are here. I want to be Engaged with my children and my husband, enjoying them no matter what. Engaged in the middle of the house. I tend towards my bedroom or my computer area when I have down-time. This year, I want to be known for being in the middle of the house. At the dining room table playing a game. In the big easy chair reading a book. In the kitchen cooking for them. I want to be where the life-blood of our family is, where I can be easily Engaged by my loved ones.

I know that I will not regret an ounce of time or energy given to these ones that I love the most. I don't want to miss any  moments with them. I want to be Engaged with them right here in the middle of our house.

With love,

Kathleen

See how they grow? Thought you might enjoy pictures of the kids in the same spot over several years.

In Christmas 2012: ages 7, 11, 13, &14

In May of 2010: ages 4, 8, 10 & 11

 

In July of 2011: ages 5, 9, 11, & 12

 

Blog Reflections of 2012: My Top Read Posts

Today, I wanted to reflect on my top read posts of 2012. Since you are reading this, in all likelihood you have already read these posts but I have linked them just in case. It was interesting to see what made my most read list. I keep telling my husband that he is very popular since his post is the most popular (the one that I wrote to him on our 19th anniversary.) As I glance over the top posts, I see that they have this in common: relationships. Grandparents to grandchildren, women friendships, About Me posts (which is blog readers building a relationship with this blog author), and my most read post is about marriage.

Enjoy and Happy New Year!

My 5th most popular post of this year:

Vision of a Legacy. I wrote this post when I saw how my father-in-law would smile big at my children -- his grandchildren -- when they came into his ICU room. With the rest of us, he would try so hard to communicate what he would want us to do. With them, he would smile, listen, and laugh. So good for his soul. This was my pondering about those smiles of his.

The 4th most popular:
Make new friends, but keep the old. I wrote Part I on this post and I have yet to finish Part II. Oops! Thanks for waiting. This post is about friendship. It is good for me to reflect on the many friendships the Lord has given me through the years. I, too, get lonely, feel left-out, and want a closer friend. But truly, I have been given so much in this area. It takes pondering about it to realize it. So, thinking about friends is good for my soul like scrap-booking is good for my soul. Both requires me to meditate on the good gifts I've been given. I should do this more often.


The 3rd most popular post:
100 Things About Me: Part II.  I actually finished this part II. Thank you to all those that read all 100 items. Only one-fourth of those that read Part I, read Part II. It helps keep the humility in-tact. But, just in case you missed it. Here it is!

The 2nd most popular post:

Celebrating My 100th Post by Telling Everyone 100 Things About Me. I enjoyed composing this post. It is quite lengthy but truly helpful if you're really, really, really wanting to know about the author of this blog. Actually I do like reading posts like this on other blogs, that's the reason I felt free to indulge myself here.







And a big drum roll please for the top read post in 2012:

19 reasons I Love My Husband on our 19th Anniversary. Not only was this my top read post that I wrote in 2012, it is also my most popular post ever, by more than 300%. I love my husband. I love us. I love our marriage. So the popularity of this post causes me to think about writing more about this topic. I might just do that.


The following are the remaining runner's up to complete a Top 11 List: Not all of the Top Posts were about relationships I did include a recipe, book list, and some numbers. But even among these, it is mostly about numbers.

Dreaming of Books;  (Curriculum Planning Worksheet included!)
20 Things About Living in TN for 20 years;  (Would love more insight into this!)
Quick & Easy Mac & Cheese for the Masses;
 When God Calls, God provides; (About our Foster Care endeavors)
Empty Room, Empty Heart;  (About our Foster Care endeavors)
When Coca-cola Made Me Cry; and (About my Father-in-law) About
Siblings Round the Table at Days End (A Poem About Grief & Siblings)

Happy New Year!  
Linking with Jen. Click HERE to check out some great encouragement.

A year ago

Our Christmas 2012 photo: the six of us on vacation this summer. 

A year ago--almost to the day--I slipped on a step, twisted my knee, and needed rehab. No surgery needed, no exciting story to tell, just four months of physical therapy. That was December 27th, 2011.

Then, on the first Sunday of 2012, way back in January but just a few days after my injury, my pastor's wife felt compelled to read a devotional to the congregation. It was about how the Shepherd breaks the leg of  a sheep that wanders so that it learns to stay close to the Shepherd instead of wandering off all of the time.

It struck a chord with me even though I didn't feel like I had been wandering. Yet, my leg was wounded. I had a knee brace, crutches, and was arranging to have an MRI taken. Though I didn't know what it was, I had that sense it was a word from the Lord for me and so I trusted that in time it would be revealed how I had been wandering off.

Now, as I reflect on the year of 2012, I see that the Lord needed to draw me close to His heart for those  months. It wasn't due to sin & rebellion but rather it was preparation for future paths. I would desperately need easy recognition of His voice in the days ahead.

Without any official training, we would become foster parents for nine weeks. For a little over three weeks, we had eight children, for an additional five or so weeks we had five kids. It was an education on many levels. The most important lesson being about the provision of God. He sustains and works through me even when there is nothing left. Truly, that is when His best work usually occurs: when there is nothing left of me. At the very least I recognize it better because I know it definitely isn't me.

In the summertime, we had a small reprieve from unusual circumstances in which we crammed in as much fun as possible. Then, we returned to another crisis -- my father-in-law in the hospital trying to breathe after brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor. It has been 15 weeks, over three months. There has been healing and hope in the midst of many setbacks.

What I didn't know in January is how much I would need the Lord and how drained and empty I would feel by the time October rolled around. That was only six weeks into a still on-going trial. How hard it has been to remain daily in the Word. How hard it has been to remember to pray before meals This is from childhood, folks! I grew up giving thanks before every meal. It's what we do. It's kind of like forgetting to brush your teeth. (Now that I say that I have forgotten that a time or two, as well, but not nearly as often as giving thanks.) How could it be that I have forgotten my way in this?

The Lord is kind, gracious, and forgiving. I'm glad that I have been reminded of where I was in December of last year and all that He has brought my family and I through. He goes before us and behind us. I am so thankful. He gives friends and family to support and some really great memories mixed in with the hard stuff. He loves us. He heals us. He takes us through trials. He grows us.

May I stay close to the Shepherd always, no matter the circumstance.

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How about you? Have you gotten caught up in end-of-year reflections? 

Any insight you want to share?